Sarah vs Hope
by LeighaMarie
Summary: After the kiss on the beach, Sarah doesn't remember and decides to go back to the CIA, but not before leaving Chuck with a little gift. The year is now 2020 and Sarah has regained her memories, but hasn't seen Chuck or anyone else from her life in Burbank in over a year. Will her family ever forgive her for the things she has done? Or she destined to always be alone?
1. Chapter 1: Sarah vs An Old Friend

_Hi! My name is Leigha Marie and this is my first fanfiction that I am putting out there for the world to read. I have most of it finished only need to divide it into chapters and edit it. I admit it might not be the best, but it is my story and I am proud of it. I hope to post regularly on the weekends until it is finished. I plan on alternating 'present day' and flashback chapters, but I am not sure. Thanks for even opening this story_

Chapter 1: Sarah vs An Old Friend

July 31, 2020

Sarah wakes up a few minutes before the alarm starts blaring. She is glad because she feels like she might throw a knife at it like she has done a few times before. She has never been a morning person, but the pain medication that she took a few hours ago to take away the pain from her gunshot wound in her left shoulder has worn off and when she rolls to her one side, she up. She switches the clock off as she gets up and ready for the day. She doesn't have a mission as her last mission ended badly, but she has been working an advisory position as she heals.

Sarah checks her phone as she leaves her hotel room. She sighs when she sees the 3 texts and a missed call with a voice message from Chuck but doesn't open them. Instead, she opens and reads the one from Carina. It is plain and simple to the point.

**In town for a few. Meet for lunch?**

**Love to. 12:30? The usual place?** She texts back.

Before she even gets in the elevator, Carina texts back a simple **Yep**

At the office, she is in and out of meetings with different people giving her input on missions that she won't be going on. She hates to admit it, but she isn't in a rush to get back in the field. A few years ago, she was so ready to get back in the field after her medical leave, but now she is fine with being on the sidelines. Before she knows, it is noon and she heads out to meet Carina.

They meet at the usual diner they go to. Even though Sarah herself is 15 minutes early, Carina is already there in their booth looking at the menu. Her hair is cut in a bob and is a vibrant red instead of her natural darker red.

"Hey, Blondie," Carina says with her usually smile, "Long time no see."

Sarah smiles and sits down across from her. "I like the hair," she laughs.

Carina rolls her eyes, "It was for a mission. I have an appointment tomorrow to fix the mess."

Sarah continues laughing as a waitress comes over and they order their food. They talk about how things are going in the respective jobs leaving out the classified details. The food comes out and they continue talking like it hasn't been almost a year since they saw each other. Sarah is about halfway through with her meal when Carina decides to bring up the topic Sarah is dreading.

"How are they?" Carina says shoving a bite of a pork chop into her mouth.

Sarah just shrugs her shoulders and keeps eating her salad. She knows who she is talking about and hopes Carina can take a hint that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"I bet they miss you, Walker," Carina digs a little deeper. She understands Sarah doesn't want to talk about the topic, but she leans back in her seat and continues any way. "When's the last time you seen them?"

Sarah scowls back, but answers, "June 6th."

Carina looks at her and shakes her head. Carina knows she is pushing the right buttons now. She knows Sarah is going around the truth. She doesn't know whether to continue the interrogation or not. She looks into Sarah's eyes and sighs. She is only going to continue because she was asked.

"Of last year." Carina states. "Because I just was there, and I know what he told me. I also know that you were shot and in the hospital around then." She reaches over the table and shoves Sarah a little in the shoulder she was shot in to make a point. Sarah winces, but Carina doesn't stop. "Hell, you won't even text or call him back. You have been shot twice in the past year and he doesn't know that. They all are worried about. What the hell happened in the past year? What changed? You were making progress. I know that you weren't there all the time in the past, but at least you visited them and gave them updates in between. Honestly, I don't understand. If you are trying not to get close to them, you should have cut ties years ago."

Sarah won't look at Carina, but instead focuses on anything she can on the table. "That's not it." she says as she chokes back tears. Tears start rolling even though she is trying her hardest to stop them. She should have known this was going to be part of her meeting with Carina because of course Carina has talked to them. She is pissed that she didn't see the truth of the meeting before. They sit there in silence for what feels like a lifetime but is actually probably only a few minutes.

"Did you remember?" Carina whispers. "Because that is the only thing that makes sense to me."

Sarah wipes the tears and doesn't answer. She looks up at Carina and now, Carina knows. She knows one of her only friends remembers the five years that she lost. She is staying away not because she is afraid of getting close to them, but because she knows she has already hurt them. Carina wishes that she could do something anything to fix this mess that Sarah created for herself when she didn't know what she had. Carina may never want that life for herself, but it is obvious that Sarah to everyone would have been happy had those five years not disappeared.

"Do you know she is taller than his sister's girl? Cassidy?" Carina says trying to get her oldest friend to open up a little.

"Clara. And Chuck still sends me pictures," Sarah with a sour face.

"I really don't like kids, ya know, but I like being her honorary Aunt. She reminds me of you. She is your mini me. She always steals the attention of the room without ever meaning to, little miss Amelia Hope Bartowski. Isn't she almost 8?" Carina watches as Sarah's sour face turns into a one of longing with a sad smile. Sarah doesn't open up and they sit there again in a little bit of silence.

Carina changes the subject as they finish their food because she sees that Sarah isn't going to talk. They talk about their next assignment. Sarah admits she doesn't know what she is doing next as her shoulder is pretty messed up. They pay their bill and as Sarah gets up to leave, Carina grabs her arm and pulls her into a hug.

"I am pretty sure if you went back now, they would take you back the second you walked through the door." Carina says as she hugs her friend. As she pulls away, she continues, "if you need me, I am always here."

Sarah goes back to her hotel room which has become her home and opens her text messages from Chuck. It is three photos of her little girl in her ballet outfit with her blonde hair pulled into a tight bun. One is of her on stage, another is with her, her mother, and Molly, and last is of her and Chuck. She must have had a recital today Sarah thinks to herself. She texts Chuck that she is okay, doing well, and that she enjoys the pictures answering the questions that Chuck has asked her for months and she has just ignored. That might be half-truth, but she decides that is okay as she lays in bed because she is going home.


	2. Chapter 2: Sarah vs The Unplanned

_Hi! Everyone thanks for reviewing and following this story. I plan on trying to update every weekend if I can. Next weekend it might not happen until Monday due to a weekend camp I am going to. I greatly appreciate your reviews. I was surprised that I had as many as I did and all were so kind. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It does answer some of the questions some of you had! Enjoy! _

Chapter 2: Sarah vs The Unplanned

Late February 2012

The kiss wasn't magical like both Chuck and Sarah had hoped. She wants to feel it but she heard their story, kissed him, and she still doesn't. She thinks she may care for him. Hell, she probably does. But she needs to figure herself out. She opens her mouth to tell him and before she can even get the words out, he tells her he knows and will always be there for her. She promises to check in with him and they part ways. Sarah goes to the airport and Chuck goes home.

When she steps off the plane, she heads to NSA headquarters where General Beckman is located. Sarah contacted the General before going to the beach not long after she left castle. She needs something she knows, and that spy life is that. It is the only things she knows. The General agreed to meet with her.

"You know you have to be cleared. You need to pass both a physical and a psych test." The General states as Sarah nods. The General gives Agent Walker a stern look. She doesn't think the Agent is okay and ready, but she knows the Agent won't stop until she gets her way, so she'll call in the tests. "I'll call the doctors than and you can head to the CIA's doctor's office. Since you have had the intersect, we have to use a specialist, Dr. Leo Dreyfus, for you psych exam."

With that Sarah turns and leaves, surprised with how easy it was to get the General agree to the tests. She drives straight to the hospital where the CIA doctors are and goes to get her physical out of the way first. The exam is long as she has been out of the game for almost a year. The last thing she has done is get her blood drawn and they tell her, she can leave, and they will call her when the entire exam results are compiled into a conclusive report and with that, she heads over to psych.

Sarah is pissed when she finds out Beckman is making her see a specialist who is in Chicago at the moment. She to her car to drive back to NSA headquarters where the General's office is located to ask to see someone else but gets a phone call telling her to come back to the doctor's office immediately. She does as she was told and enters the CIA doctor's office.

"Agent Walker, I need you need to sit down, please," the doctor informed Sarah as she enters the room.

Sarah sits down because just from the look on the doctor's face, she knows it isn't going to be good. She nods to let the doctor know she can continue.

The doctor looks down at the report in her hands, "Your blood tests show an abnormality," the doctor pauses trying to find the words. She knows for most Agents it is hard for them to hear her next words, but for this Agent in particular, she is worried about the reaction because she knows she is missing the previous five years, "The abnormalities are consistent with a pregnancy, Agent Walker. "

"I can't be. I have an IUD," Sarah answers back in denial.

"You had your IUD taken out in September as it expired and instead of having it replaced, decided to go on the pill. It is written here that you and your husband were thinking of a family. I know it is a shock considering what has happened." The doctor states the facts written before her and pauses waiting for the Agent to say something. The Agent doesn't say anything, so the doctor continues to talk, "You have options, but I do suggest talking to someone before you make your decisions."

Sarah sits there in shock and tears start to stream down her face. The doctor preforms an ultrasound to make sure it is a baby and not a tumor or something causing her hormones to be thrown off. The ultrasound shows she is positively pregnant, and the doctor tells her she is about 12 weeks. She thinks she knows what she is going to do and schedules the appointment to have it done without talking to someone even though the doctor tells her repeatedly she should. It's her body, her choice and her days are limited to make a decision. She knows once the baby starts to actually form, she won't be able to do it. She can't have a baby now. She barely knows the man it was created with.

She goes to her hotel room and sits down on her bed and just cries. She cries until she doesn't have it in her anymore. She cannot be anyone's mother. She wants someone to talk to, but in the last five years everyone has changed at least some.

She gets up the next day and heads to her appointment. It is not in with a CIA doctor, but a clinic. She has to fill out some forms and sits there unsure how to answer questions about herself. She goes for her phone to see who she could call to get the information from. She sees her mom's name and freezes.

She thinks about Molly and how that is the only experience she remembers at least with a baby. She remembers rescuing her, but her memories end before she gave the baby to her mom. That is where her memory loss starts. Chuck had told her about the little girl and her mom when they were on the beach.

Sarah isn't exactly sure why she calls her mom in that moment she does. Her and her mom have never exactly been close for multiple reason, but Emma always says just what Sarah needs to hear. She ends up just talking to her about everything and none of the questions she needed to answer. It is the first time she has talked to her since she lost her memories and she is surprised to find her mother had talked to Chuck and he filled her in on the incident. She listens to her mom talk about the little girl that her mom raised as her own, the little girl she rescued. Her mom changes the subject to Sarah and Chuck and how they met. Somehow that gets her mom into her and Chuck's pre memory loss plans to start a family and how she thought she was pregnant. Her mom tells her how she took a pregnancy test not too long ago and it came out negative and she was disappointed. Chuck didn't tell her that part of their story.

Those words get Sarah to think about how much the baby has been through. It has been growing in her since before Christmas. She knows a man name Daniel Shaw tortured her on Christmas, she got into a fight with Ryker, she downloaded the intersect, lost her memories, and was tortured by Quinn. Her body has been through so much, but the baby held on. It was loved even though they thought it was just a concept. She decides she just can't go through with her original plan.

Sarah gets up and hands the paperwork back to the front desk and walks out of the clinic still talking to her mom. When they say goodbye, Sarah has already made it back to her hotel room. She feels calm and has made a decision different than her original one. It is obvious her previous self-had wanted this. Maybe somewhere deep down, she realizes she wants it also. She can't kill the baby whose life hasn't even had a chance to start just like she couldn't kill Molly or even leaving it to chance that she could.

That night, Sarah comes up with a plan. She decides she'll carry this pregnancy to term while working with psych to be cleared as she realizes right now, they won't clear her. She is too unstable, to emotional. Then she'll have the baby and give it to her husband. She'll go back into the spy game.

….

August 3, 2012

It has been months since his wife left him and all Chuck Bartowski can do is hope that she will return. He gets texts once a week from her telling him she is okay. He has talked to General Beckman and even though, Beckman says she must respect Sarah wishes of not telling Chuck what she is doing for the CIA, the General tells him she is doing well. Sarah doesn't answer any of the questions he texts her and hasn't actually talked to anyone since she talked to Emma a few days after she left Burbank.

Chuck blames himself for her leaving. Everyone argues with him of that fact. They all give their inputs and reasons, but Chuck knows he pushed her a little hard, a little too fast and he knows he shouldn't have immediately turned down her idea of joining the CIA. The regret is in his mind every day, but it happened and there is nothing to change that moment.

He is back working at the Buy More and going about his everyday life. No spies, no missions, no Sarah, no Casey. Besides Alex, his mom, Sarah's mom, and Molly, it feels like he is back in the life he had five years ago, minus living with his sister and Devon. They aren't even in the same state anymore, but still talk daily.

Despite it being like five years earlier, he admits he is in a better mind set then previously. He is actively working on different projects on the side and trying his hardest to get out of the place that always sucks him back in. Today is his day off and he plans on staying home and submitting job applications all day. He sits down at the kitchen table and starts going through emails, when there is a knock at the door. He sighs and heads to the door expecting Morgan. He is totally shocked when he opens the door to his wife holding a tiny little bundle and a couple of bags.

"Sarah!?" Chuck practically screams waking up the tiny thing in his wife's arms. Chuck's face changes to a look of happiness then back to a look of shock as the baby screams while Sarah's gets even more panicked than it already was.

"Can I come in? We have a lot to talk about" Sarah asks as she tries to quiet the baby. The last 48 hours have been rough, and all Sarah wants to do is pass this tiny thing on to someone else.

"Yeah, it's your apartment, too." He says as he moves out the way to let her in. He doesn't know

They sit on the couch where they have had so many different conversations in the apartment they used to share, and Sarah tells Chuck what has been going in her life during the months since the day she left Burbank. She tells Chuck about how she found out she was having a baby she didn't exactly want and remember creating. She tells him almost everything leaving out her plans to get rid of the baby before its life even started. She tells him about her work and her plans to rejoin the CIA as she has now passed her psych tests and all she does is have to heal from the birth of the little thing that has now been passed into Chuck's arms.

After she is done with her story and telling Chuck her future plans on going back to the CIA, they sit there in silence. Chuck sits there in shock and tries to process the fact that his wife had their baby they were planning on having. The one they were dreaming of before Quinn stole their life, their future. He is amazed that she stayed away for so long going through her pregnancy all by herself and decided to have the baby at all. He goes through her words again and again and realizes she is going to leave them, leave her little girl who she has just spent the last 9 months connected to.

"You're going leave us." is all Chuck manages to choke out. He is in complete shock holding the little miracle in his arms.

"I just can't do this. I can't be here. I am not ready to be a mom. I am not your wife. I am not the Sarah Walker you want, and I am not sure I can be her again. Nothing is coming back. I am not sure it will."

"Sarah, you'll always be my Sarah. I'll always love you. She'll need you. I'll need you," Chuck sniffles letting the tears roll down his face.

"I am just not ready, Chuck," she protests.

"Will you ever be?" Chuck says trying not to get loud in fear of waking the sleeping child on his chest.

Sarah shrugs. But doesn't say anything.

Chuck looks at his broken wife who appears to even be a shell of the Sarah Walker he first the day after he downloaded the intersect. A shell of the women he made love to the first time to in Paris. A shell of his wife and even a shell of the women that left him a few months ago. At that moment, he knows that there is no changing her mind. That if he begs her to stay, she won't. If he somehow manages to get her to stay, she won't be happy. They won't be happy. She isn't ready to be a part of this life. He must let her go again even though it pains him.

"Does she have a name?" Chuck asks after he gets tired of the silence and Sarah immediately shakes her head, so Chuck continues, "Anything in mind?"

"She was a month early I honestly did even start. But I saw her, and I thought Amelia would be perfect. I don't know why. It just came into my head when she was put into my arms, but you should name her whatever you want, Chuck. She is your daughter." She admits looking at the tiny baby on Chuck's chest.

"Sarah, you might be in denial, but she is yours also. I think Amelia is a fantastic name for this little girl," Chuck pauses thinking and trying not to cry again, "How does Amelia Hope Bartowski sound?"

"Chuck, it sounds perfect," Sarah rushes out, getting up to leave.

"Sarah, just check in, okay? and don't forget that you have a family that loves you and you will be always welcome here," Chuck reminds her as he watches his wife leave for the fourth time in a year.

As the door shuts behind his wife, he looks at the baby on his chest.

"Looks like it's just me and you, Little Miss Millie. Just me and you," he says with a sad smile.


	3. Chapter 3: Sarah vs Wanted Happiness

_Surprise! I know I said probably next Monday I would post this chapter, but I got done editing this over the weekend and just felt like I needed to post it now. This story is going to be sad, but will have a happy ending in the end I promise. They will go through a lot before the ending. I will try to get the next chapter up next Monday, but I am not sure if it will happen due to life. Thank you again for all the reviews. _

Sarah vs. Courage

August 1, 2020

Sarah packs the next morning, schedules a flight, and calls the General. The General answer her phone admittedly.

"Hello, Agent Walker. Do you need anything?" the general answers the phone surprised she is getting a call from an agent who is not allowed in the field.

"Yes, I am wanting to take an indefinite leave. I have some things I need to do."

Beckman is happy at that second that the conversation is just a phone call and not in person or video call because Beckman smiles. She tries not to think ahead of what could happen or what her Agent is going to do because this Agent has taken time off before only to come back, but she hopes that at that moment her Agent is finally taking back what Quinn took from her 8 and half years ago.

"That is fine, Agent Walker. Take all the time you need. I hope you fix all you need to," The General states keeping her excitement out of her voice. She has been rooting for this love story and hopes her Agent does whatever she needs to do. She hope the Agent finds whatever she has been waiting for.

"Thanks," Sarah says and hangs up the phone shocked that the General did not put up a fight. She wonders if the General knows she is going home.

….

It is 5:00 pm when she arrives at the house. The house with the little red door and white picket fence. Her dream house. She parks one the road a few houses down and sits there. She watches and can see the whole family there through the main window. She sighs. It is August 1st. Her little girl's birthday. They must be celebrating she thinks to herself. She should have realized the date before, but she forgot. She doesn't know how she could forget that. She puts her head against the wheel of the car and tries to stop the tears. She stays like that for a while trying to get control over herself. She jumps when there is a knock on the passenger window.

"Unlock the car, Walker," a gruff voice says.

She does as it a voice she knows and isn't surprised when John Casey slides in.

John Casey looks at one of his only friends who he hasn't seen in so long and just feels like someone ripped his heart out. She looks worn out. He has seen her lost before, he has seen the cold hard spy, and he has seen an emotional wreck, but this is different. Casey wonders what changed since he last saw her when she was trying her hardest to be the cold spy. Truth be told, he can't even remember the last time he saw her. He has come to care for Walker as another daughter practically and it hurts to see her hurting even though she is the one who got herself in this mess. They sit in the car in silence as Casey doesn't know how to start.

"I am glad you're here, but why are you here?" Casey asks honestly wondering why she disappeared for a year no contact with anyone and now suddenly shows up.

Sarah shrugs her shoulders and asks, "How's Gertrude? How's the leg?" Trying everything to change the subject.

"Good, she went in when I told her I forgot something in the car. And I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Thanks again for that by the way. Are you going to go in?" counters Casey.

She rolls her eyes, "Would I be here if I didn't plan on seeing them?"

"I honestly don't know anymore, Walker. It was radio silence for over a year. I haven't seen you in even longer. We saw how people can change in just a few short years when we originally came here while you don't remember that you know how much your life changed. Its why you went running back to the C.I.A. I honestly was being to wonder you forgotten you have a daughter and a husband in Burbank."

"Well, I didn't. I have just been busy," Sarah hisses. That comment about forgetting hit a little to close to home because of her pervious memory loss and because of the fact just today she hadn't realized it was her own daughter's birthday.

"You missed a lot," he cuts her off from saying any more excuses even though he knows she knows she missed a lot, "Alex and Morgan had baby number 3. A little girl named Ada Jayne. Jayne is spelled all funky though. I think it is some nerd reference. Carmichael industries is finally function on its own without any help. Everyone is busy living their lives. Hell, your daughter is starting 3rd grade which amazes me."

Sarah looks at Casey for the first time and sees how he is happy he is. He might be out of the spy game due to his leg, but he's happy. He's eyes show how much he loves their family. She remembers that when they first met, they both would have laughed at him being the excellent Grampa or honorary Uncle, he is today. Sarah looks back at the house and wonders if somehow, she can be a part of this amazing family again. If she can be happy in this life. If they all, can accept her into the lives and find a place for her all over again.

"I know, Casey. I know I missed a lot. I know I messed up. I get it," Sarah says in the same quiet whisper that she whispered her middle name to Chuck with all of those years ago.

"I know you know, Walker. I just want you to know that everyone is finally getting to an okay place and not wondering about you every single day. It was hard for everyone last time you left and I am not trying to stop you, but if you walk in there, just to leave and hurt them again, then I think you should stay in the car." Casey says with his chuckle.

Sarah shakes her head and smiles at Casey's lousy attempt at a joke, "When has anyone ever stayed in the car?"

"I don't think anyone has. If you do, you would be the first which I hope you aren't," he laughs as he gets out the car and heads to the house. He has no more to say at the moment. He doesn't want to have to pick up the pieces if she leaves again. She has almost destroyed the family time and time again and even though he hopes she'll decided to stay, he doesn't want her coming in here and hurting the family he has come to love.

Sarah stays frozen in the car watching the window in the house. She thinks about the conversations with Carina and Casey she has had in the past 48 hours and how they have solidified that she defiantly hurt everyone especially Chuck and Amelia. Sarah wants to go in, but even though, she knows Casey was semi joking his words have made a huge impact on her. The regrets pulse through her veins. Her life is a mess. It is almost like her life is two giant puzzles with pieces all mixed together. She has the life that Sarah Walker, Langston graham's wildcard enforcer would have wanted, but now she has the memories of becoming Sarah Bartowski, the loving caring wife who wanted children with her husband. Mentally, she is a twisted version of both. Quinn ruined her life and she is still wishing she could kill him again and again until he feels the pain, he has caused everyone.

Even though she feels more like Sarah Bartowski at the moment, she isn't sure she'll be able to stay and decides that Casey is right. She shouldn't hurt them more than she already has. She can't make promises she can't keep. She gets ready to leave and is starting the car when she sees through the window her daughter barrel into the living room.

Her daughter's blonde curly hair is in pig tails that remind Sarah of wiernerlicious days. She wonders if Chuck thinks of her when their daughter's hair is in that style. Clara follows her cousin into the living room and Sarah sees Carina is right that her Amelia is a little bit taller than the girl who is a year and half older. Everyone else plus a golden retriever and a smaller younger dog, a chocolate lab if she had to guess, file into the living room. Sarah wonders when they got a second dog. She helped pick out Lucy a few years ago during Christmas when Amelia was six when Sarah was spending more time with them.

Her attention turns back to the blonde girl who is starting to open presents. She slowly turns the car back off and sits again in silence watching Amelia light up. Watching the 3 younger boys try to get Amelia to let them play with the Legos she just got. Watching Ellie and Alex scald the boys for asking to play with their cousin's brand new gifts. Watching Molly hand Amelia, a present and say something that makes everyone laugh. Watching Morgan rock the baby Casey told her about. Watching Casey and Gertrude sit in the corner just enjoying the moments. Watching Devon console an obviously jealous Clara because Amelia got something she wanted even though the young girl's birthday is in January. Watching her mom and Chuck's mom be the grandmas that are present unlike the moms they once were. Watching Chuck be the caring father. The caring father that he was always meant to be.

Sarah wipes the tears off her face and decides she can't miss any more of this. Anymore of her family. Anymore of her daughter growing like a weed, but he doesn't want to go in now and ruin the moment though, so she sits just watching the family, her family, enjoy their time together. She waits until everyone leaves and slowly builds up the courage to walk to the door. It takes her awhile, but eventually she gets enough and knock on the red door.


	4. Chapter 4: Chuck vs People That Care

_Hey! Thank you so much for all the reviews! I appreciate hearing from everyone. This chapter and the next is very Chuck centric. Hence the name of this chapter. I will probably have the next chapter up tomorrow or maybe even tonight as I have been editing these both in the car are the ride the camp. Thank again for even opening this story and reading it. I know my writing isn't the best so thank you for reading it despite the mistakes. Thank you to all the people who are reviewing! It definitely motivates me to get the chapters up faster!_

Chapter 4: Chuck vs People That Care

November 22, 2012 (Thanksgiving)

Chuck and Amelia struggle to the say the least. Most people have time to prepare for the child, but Chuck has nothing. Sarah gives Chuck only a small diaper bag with a few onesies, diapers, formula, and bottles and Chuck has to figure out the rest. He is unprepared for everything single fatherhood brings, but at least Amelia is a tiny baby and doesn't mind to much if they have to run to the store to grab something they are out of. His mom ends up basically moving in for the first few weeks to help him juggle the baby, work at the Buy More, and everything else. Morgan, Alex, and Emma are also there despite juggling their own lives. Ellie and Awesome want to fly out, but the hospital in Chicago won't give them time off due to just moving there. Everyone eventually settles into a routine not to long after Amelia's surprise arrival. Chuck hold hope that Sarah will come back. That she will magically remember. It doesn't happen and all he gets from her is a simple text of '**I am fine. Hope all is well," **once a week.

The holidays come around and Awesome, Ellie, and Clara are able to fly in. They meet Amelia the first time and fall in love with the little baby. Well, Devon and Ellie do. Clara isn't so sure as she isn't the center of attention anymore. Chuck walks in to prepare a bottle in the morning and is surprised to see Ellie has taken over his kitchen to cook Thanksgiving dinner.

"Ellie, I thought we agreed no big dinner," Chuck says as he gets the formula out.

Ellie just turns around and smiles, "It was one of the planned surprises for this holiday."

Chuck turns around and looks at his sister, "There's more than one?"

"Chuck, yes! There is more than one," Ellie sighs mentally debating whether to tell Chuck now or later with everyone else, "We planned on telling everyone later, but we are moving back to Burbank."

Chuck looks at his sister shocked about this revelation. They moved less than a year ago to Chicago. He thought she and Devon liked Chicago and he knows she is worried about him, so he jumps to the only logical conclusion.

"Don't move because of me," Chuck says shake his head, "Millie and I are doing okay."

Ellie looks at her brother and realizes what he thinks. That he thinks that Ellie is trying to help his situation and moving just for him and his daughter.

"While Amelia may have been a big factor, I think we just don't belong there. It doesn't feel like home," Ellie states like the fact is clear as day, "I know people say give it time, but neither of us are happy with the hospital. Especially, when even after I explained the situation, they still didn't let me have time off. The hospital here might pay less, but it is still a lot of money. I also want Clara to grow up having some family around her and with Mom permanently here for the foreseeable future it makes sense, Clara just has me and Devon. It is too late now as we have already bought a house here."

Chuck smiles and accepts that his sister and her husband have made up their mind. He wonders if there is really a problem with the hospital or it is a reason that Ellie is giving Chuck. He is happy she is moving back to Burbank, though.

"I am honestly going to be happy to have you home even if it is just because you are trying to help," he says giving his sister a questioning look, "I also have multiple things to tell you. I bought the house and I was hired by a small software company. Carmichael industries is going to be on the back burner for awhile, but considering I am finally out of the Buy More that is okay."

"Wow," Is all Ellie manages to say at first. It's Ellie's turn to look shocked and that she does. Chuck finishes making the bottle and before he heads off Ellie has collected her thoughts enough to continue. "Chuck, that's amazing. Finally, out of the Buy More, that's a shock. How did Morgan take it?"

Chuck turns around as he walks backwards down the hallway to his daughter's room. "Surprisingly, well. I think he understands that even though he is happy there being manager and all, it was never the place for me."

Ellie smiles brightly as she watches her brother go handle his baby. She is proud of him for not falling into that deep depressing whole he was in five years ago or even the one he was in just three years ago. She guesses that having something that depends on him makes him have to continue and not be in that situation, but still she is proud. When Ellie heard about Amelia, she was so worried about her brother as he wasn't in the best place. Now, he seems to actually have his life back on track minus the wife which isn't his fault.

Thanksgiving goes off without a problem surprisingly considering all things in their lives. Jeff and Lester don't make an appearance despite the text Morgan supposedly got early in the morning asking if they had turkey. Morgan gets his second favorite side dish. John and Gertrude even end up making an appearance, surprising everyone. It was the first time Casey has been back since he left to be with Gertrude after the Quinn incident. They get to meet Amelia and the little baby already has the Colonel and his girlfriend wrapped around her finger just like she has everyone else who she meets. Captain Awesome and Ellie tell everyone their plans on moving back and Chuck tells everyone next year, Thanksgiving could be at his new house. Everyone seems to be enjoying the feast and family time. After everyone has left, Chuck sits on the couch holding little Millie in his arms and tries to call Sarah hoping she picks up the phone. When she doesn't Chuck just sits there and lets the tears run down his face.

* * *

February 7, 2013

Christmas and New Year's pass with no problem, either. Awesome, Ellie, and Clara resettle into Burbank this time in a house not too far from Chuck's own. The house is everything he and Sarah both wanted a year ago, but she isn't in there to live in it with him. He is doing okay until when the anniversary of the beach comes around, Chuck calls off work because he just can't go in and work in his emotional state. He ends up not even wanting to get up and get dressed to drop Amelia at daycare.

Morgan someone how knows Chuck is home even though Chuck has no idea how. Morgan lets himself and Alex in with the key Chuck gave him because he didn't want Morgan climbing through windows looking like a burglar in this nice neighborhood where Chuck doesn't know his neighbors. Boxes are still sitting in the dining room not being unpacked yet.

"Chuck, why don't we go out to lunch? I know today is rough, but Alex is taken care of little Mills, and everything will be okay," Morgan says as he sees his best friend laying on the couch. Morgan is happy to see it isn't as bad as when he went to Hawaii with Anna and Chuck got kicked of spy camp, but something needs to be done before it gets that far, "Please?"

Chuck looks up at his friend but doesn't say anything. His face stays emotionless. He is hurting and no one can help him besides a certain blonde who just texts him an okay text every week.

"Chuck, I know it hurts, but you have someone who needs you. You have a daughter who is going to need you because she is already down one parent," Morgan says hoping that something clicks with his best friend.

Chuck sighs and decides he may as well go to lunch with Morgan. He gets up and gets dressed and him and Morgan leave. Alex is sitting on the couch taking care of the tiny little girl when they leave. They end up a Chinese restaurant because he is with Morgan. They eat and discuss his new job, which he isn't exactly happy with, and the Buy More mostly staying away from the topics that bring back the depression. They finish eating, leave the restaurant, and head to the Buy More to pick up somethings that Morgan needed. They end up spending awhile there just talk to everyone Jeff and Lester are back from their failed Germany Tour. Chuck is not surprised but doesn't say anything. They eventually escape the trap that is the Buy More and head back to the house with the white picket fence and red door. For most of the car ride, the conversation is lighthearted most of the way home, but as the get closer to arriving, Morgan changes the subject.

"Chuck, I am telling you I still believe you will get your one magical kiss, fairy tale ending."

Chuck looks at his friend wish he could jump out of the car. He still has the intersect in his head, but it won't work because he is emotionally compromised.

When Chuck doesn't say anything, Morgan continues, "Maybe you should call her today. I think she will remember your beachiversary and maybe today is the day she'll answer the call."

"Morgan," He huffs, "I'll call her if you promise to drop the topic." He really just doesn't want to deal with this now.

"Done," Morgan immediately says, "Now that we finished that, I have an idea for Carmicheal Industries."

Chuck sighs almost regretting leaving the house even though he needed a break and loved catching up with his friend who he feels like he barely sees.

"I heard through the grapevine that Verbanski Corporation is having some trouble with security protocols, hacking into security systems, and all the rest of that stuff that you can do…. and I was kind of thinking maybe you should talk to her and Casey about partnering with them and being the cyber security, cyber terrorist, side of her business. You could work in her Burbank location.," Morgan says all in one go not letting not letting Chuck interrupt him.

"That's actually a pretty amazing idea. How long have you been thinking about this one buddy?" Chuck says totally surprised. It is obvious his friend has thought this through.

"Since a good bit before little Millie was dropped off with you. I actually already ran it by Casey, and he thinks that will help him and Gertrude. Casey think that Gertrude would even let you basically run your own company within her company," He tells Chuck as he turns down the road where his best friend's new house is.

Morgan and Chuck go into the house. Chuck is surprised to see Alex is sitting in a chair with not just Amelia in arms, but Clara also who has a children's book in her just barely two-year-old hands. He turns the corner to his living room and sees almost everyone he cares about in sprawled out on every chair of his living.

"I thought we could have a game night like we used to have," Morgan says squeezing past Chuck to enter the room.

Molly jumps up from the floor as soon as she sees Morgan enter and begs to play Mario Kart with him. Morgan tells her as it is Chuck's system, she asks to ask Chuck, so Molly turns to him and Chuck just gives a smile and a thumbs up to her and find the only open seat on the couch next to his mom. A game of Uno is already being played by most of his family and he waits to join just enjoying his life.

The night is fun, and Chuck ends up actually happy for the first time in a little over a year. He ended up talking to both Gertrude and Casey about Morgan's idea and they both agreed that it was a great idea. At the end of the night, everyone agrees to do game night at least monthly and says their goodbyes. After everyone leaves and Chuck puts Amelia, he lays down on his bed and does the thing he promised his friend he would do earlier that evening.

Chuck listens as the phone rings. He doesn't know what to expect.

"Chuck?" Sarah says picking up her phone. She wasn't expecting his phone call but answers it as soon as she sees who it is.

"Sarah!" Chuck says smiling as he just sits on his bed as happy as he can be given the circumstances, "I just wanted to check up on you. Make sure you are doing okay."

"I am doing okay. I have been going on a lot of missions. How are you and Amelia doing?"

With Sarah's question about him and Amelia, they fall into a steady conversation and end up talking for hours. Before they hang up Sarah says she wants to visit and that she promises to call more. The calls do happen, but it is a long time before Chuck sees his wife.

* * *

July 5, 2013

Chuck sees his wife's spy friends long before he sees her. The morning after the 4th of July, he wakes up, grabs Amelia, walks down the stairs, puts his daughter in the highchair, and goes to get her bib where he keeps them in the living room. He is surprised to find both the trustworthy members of his wife's C.A.T. squad days passed out in his living room reminding him of the morning after his wife went out with them before their wedding. He doesn't even want to know how they got into his house this time.

He goes back to the kitchen cuts a banana up and puts it on his daughter's highchair tray. Chuck decides he'll make breakfast for himself, Carina, and Zondra. He is almost done when both the girl's come out of the living room and into the dining room.

"Where's the wife, Chuckles?" Carina asks as she steals a piece of banana from Amelia's tray and sits down in the chair closest to the little girl. Zondra sits down next to her.

Chuck freezes as he puts down the plate of eggs and bacon he made, "You guys don't know?" He hasn't seen them since the wedding, but Sarah was talking to them regularly before Quinn.

"Don't know what?" Carina asks. Zondra just shakes her head as she puts the food on her plate.

"Sarah had an accident lost the five years of memory of her life, her life here in Burbank, back last January," Chuck answers sitting across from Carina.

"She what?" Zondra asks why at the same time Carina asks, "That's her kid right?"

"Lost her memories. And yes, she ours. Her name is Amelia and it is a long story. I am sorry that I didn't contact you guys. I thought she would, honestly. You are one of the few who are still alive and she was friends with from her days before meeting me," Chuck realizes he is spiraling and stops himself, "If you have the time and want to hear the entire story, I'll tell you."

"We have time since we aren't exactly government spies anymore, due to having save Sarah before your wedding." Zondra says.

So, Chuck tells the abbreviated story of what went down with Quinn and Decker, stopping to explain the intersect. He doesn't care about what he is allowed to tell them anymore as he knows they are two of the most trustworthy people he knows. They gave up their careers for his wife. They move to the living room as he starts to tell them about Sarah dropping Amelia off hours after she delivered her. He finishes telling what has happened in the almost year since Amelia was dropped off and asks if the two C.A.T.s sitting in his living room if they have any questions.

Both girls sit there silently in shock just watching the tiny blonde hair, blue eyed baby crawl on the floor. Chuck watches them as the process what happened to their friend. It doesn't surprise him when Carina is the first to speak up.

"I just can't believe she went back to the C.I.A after what went down. I can't believe she left you, Chuck, and with a baby!" Carina says picking up the little girl who has crawled to her feet.

"I can't imagine what she must be going through. I didn't change that much in five years like she had, and I know I wouldn't want to lose those years." Zondra adds looking back to Chuck.

"Yeah. I don't know exactly why she felt the need to go back, but I believe the C.I.A is kind of her safe place. It is all she really has had," Chuck tells the C.A.T.s kind of trying to keep from crying

"Honestly, Chuck, to me that makes sense. That is pretty much the most stable life, she remembers," Carina says, "You said she still is in contact with you, right? That is defiantly a good sign."

"We talk on the phone almost every other week now which is defiantly progress for the no contact other than the I'm okay texts before January," Chuck says looking at his little girl on Carina's lap, "I just wish she was her for Amelia, but I know she is still struggling. I know she is back to the spies don't have emotion mindset. I can hear it in her voice that she is struggling with the fact her memories aren't…." Chuck pauses because his phone rings. "sorry, I have to take this it's work."

"Go ahead, Chuck, we get it." Carina says tickling the little girl in her lap.

Chuck gets up and heads out of the living room to take his phone call from the desk at Carmichael Industries leaving Zondra, Carina, and little Amelia sitting in the living room. The call is rather quick and was just a call asking if he was going to be in today, but when he walks back into the living room he see his daughter has slid off Carina's lap and is now taking her first steps ever toward Zondra as she hold out her arms welcoming the young girl into her arms. Chuck just smiles at the scene.

"All good, Chuck?" Carina asks

"Yeah. The phone call was nothing," Chuck says sitting down. When Carina shoots back a questioning look Chuck adds, "those were Millie's first steps. She has been standing for a while, but she just hasn't managed to move forward until no."

"I wish Sarah was here instead of us to see that," Carina says looking at her friend's husband who so desperately wants his wife back, "I think she was the happiest I have seen her when she was with you, even in those early days when it was a cover."

"I wish she was, too." Is all Chuck says with a sad smile. It feels good for Chuck to hear Carina say that Sarah was happy because sometimes doubt does creep into his mind that she never actually was happy, and she was never in love with him. He doesn't mean for it to, but it does.

The two C.A.T.s spend a few more hours with Chuck and Amelia. They mostly play with the little girl. When they get ready to leave, they tell Chuck they will definitely be back and plan on visiting more often the every few years drop ins and if he needs anything let them know. They also tell Chuck they are going to talk to Sarah as they walk out to do whatever free-lance spies do. Chuck spends the rest of the day hoping that Carina and Zondra can some how convince his wife to come home.


	5. Chapter 5: Chuck vs a Wish Granted

_Hey! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks again for the reviews. I'll hopefully have the chapter 6 up next weekend._

Chuck vs a Wish Granted

John Casey leaves Sarah in the car and walks to the house that should have been hers to enjoy her daughter's eighth birthday party. He hopes that Sarah will follow but is unsure if she will. He is thinks to himself, that he may have been a little harsh on her. When he enters the house, his wife, Gertrude Verbanski looks at him with concern know something is wrong before he says anything.

John Casey walks up behind her and whispers in her ear "Walker's out there."

"Is she coming in?" Gertrude asks in a hushed tone try not to let the other members of their extended family hear. Walker and her never had time to get close, but she knows her husband and everyone one else still cares deeply for the women who caused them all so much pain. Casey just gives his signature grunt and shrugs his shoulders and heads over to greet the rest of the family there.

The rest of the night Casey keeps an eye on Walker's car through the window hoping she will come in. The car stays turned off from what Casey can see, but she never gets out. When everyone starts to leave, he makes sure himself and Gertrude are last. Which takes while considering his daughter is practically dealing with four kids and the biggest kid of the bunch is enjoy Mario Kart with Chuck and Millie. At first as he watches with his second grandson on his lap who is betting the Bartowski's chocolate lab, Ripley, he thinks Chuck and Morgan are letting the girl win because it her birthday and she is a kid, but when Lukas, his oldest grandson, joins the second race he loses badly. Casey decides as Millie gets up and celebrates maybe the girl is just good.

That starts a little tantrum for the four-and-a-half-year-old because he didn't win. Grimes picks the boy up and starts to sooth him which semi works, but then Oliver, who is only just three, starts to whine because he wasn't playing even though 10 seconds before he was content on sitting on his grandpa's lap watching the game. It becomes obvious that even though it isn't that late the Grimes kids are tired, so they leave.

Casey and Gertrude follow suit and as they say goodbye to Chuck and Amelia, Gertrude distracts the young girl while Casey talks to Chuck.

"Maybe you should try and call, Walker tonight. I am sure Millie would enjoy it and maybe this time she'll answer," Casey says leaving out the fact women who is Chuck's wife and Millie's mother is less than a half a mile away because if she doesn't come in he doesn't want Chuck to get his hopes up.

Chuck shrugs and pull Casey into a goodbye hug. Casey lets the man who is one of his only friends hug him.

"She has texted me once in the past year. She doesn't care, Casey and I am honestly tired of fighting for her to. She doesn't want to be her mom. She doesn't love us," Chuck tells him quietly.

Casey pulls away and looks at the absolute defeat on his friend's face. He has watched Chuck never give up in all the years since he was assigned to this place he used to think of as hell, but now thinks of as home. He wonders if his friend has it in him for one more fight for his fairy tale ending as his son-in-law likes to call it.

"I just think you should give her one last call. Maybe, she'll pick up," Casey says as him and Gertrude leave the house.

* * *

After Casey and Gertrude leave, Chuck finishes the dishes and cleans up from the party. While he does the dishes, Chuck thinks long and hard about giving Sarah one more chance like Casey said. Giving her one more chance to pick up the phone and talk to Amelia. Last time, he and Sarah talked they both said things they regret. Well, he knows he said things he regrets. He isn't sure if Sarah regrets hers. He is still so angry at her for multiple things including the things she said, but he will always care deeply for her.

While her dad cleans, Amelia scurries off to the living room and spreads all of her toys on the coffee table. The dogs lay on the floor next to her one on each side. She turns the TV on and puts Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker in the PlayStation 4. Chuck promised her they would rewatch it tonight after she opened it in the present from Morgan because even though they have Disney+, they still collect DVDs. Chuck regrets making that promise as it is already late, but knows he promised her, and he just can't break his promise to his little girl. She has had so many promises broken in the eight years she has been alive, so Chuck tries not to break any. Chuck knows how it feels to have someone promise something when your young and not go through with it. It hurts even if the person had the reasons.

After he is done, he heads to the living room and plops down on the couch. He grabs the remote and goes to hit play but pauses and just watches his daughter play with her Legos. She has her hair in pigtails that remind him of her never present mother. He sits there and realizes he will always give Sarah one more chance. She is the love of his life who gave him his perfect daughter.

"Hey, Millie. I think we should try your mom, again," Chuck says as his daughter turns around and looks at him with her perfect blue eyes that match her absent mother's.

"Why?" Amelia snaps, "She isn't going to answer. She never answers. We call her every holiday or birthday and she doesn't answer. Aunt Carina and Aunt Zondra have a better chance of answering than she does. My mom doesn't like or care about me."

"Your mom cares about you and loves you…" Chuck states. He pauses for a few seconds trying to find the words to continue, "…. It's just a tough..."

"Situation. Ya, I know," his daughter interjects cutting him off before he can say the words, he has said so many times. She doesn't know the situation, but has heard it is tough her whole life, "Whatever the situation is I really don't care. I don't believe she cares anymore. This is the second birthday she has failed to show up or even send a card for. Gramps at least sends a card and money even if I am not allowed to touch it because it is 'dirty' money..." she points out using air quotes around the word dirty.

Chuck does a double take wondering which family member told her the money her Grandpa sent is dirty and if she understands what that means, he hopes she doesn't, but let's his daughter continue her speech.

"…I know she doesn't love me because if she did, she would be here. She would send a card and answer your texts. If she cared, she would be in my life like everyone else is or tries to be. She doesn't even try," Millie says with tears in her eyes and the same look of defeat Chuck had on his face earlier this very night.

Chuck looks at Amelia Hope Bartowski and hates the intersect even though in a roundabout way it gave him this life. Without it, he wouldn't have close to the life he has now, but he still hates the computer still nestled in his brain with passion right now. It is the reason his wife isn't here. It is the reason Amelia barely knows her mom. He wonders how Amelia would have grown up had his wife not downloaded the faulty intersect to save his sorry ass, if they decided to ignore Morgan's stupid frosted tips phone call, or if the pregnancy test they took before she lost her memories didn't give them a false negative. Amelia doesn't even know why his wife stays away and Chuck can see that his daughter believes it is her fault even though it in no way is. It is the intersect's fault.

"Mills, I am sorry." It is the only words he can think to say in reply to his daughter's pain. He knows it doesn't help, but it is the only thing he can think of. He is angry with Sarah for so many things and one of the biggest is hurting their daughter. If she had just stayed away after giving him Amelia, it would be one thing, but she played with their hearts and gave them hope, hurting him and Amelia in the process.

"Can we just watch the movie?" Amelia pleads holding back the tears. She may look like her mom, but her emotions fly wild like her dad's.

With that Chuck plays the movie deciding to drop the topic. As the movie plays, Chuck's mind isn't on the movie, but it is focused on everything that has happened in his life since Bryce Larkin sent him the stupid email. He thinks of his family and his friends who have become family. He thinks about his wife and the life, they should have had. The mother, his daughter should have had. He wonders when his daughter grew up and out of the hope that her mother will arrive on the doorstep to permanently return. Out of the fairy tale ending her Uncle Morgan was, no still is, so sure they were all going to get even if he has dropped the topic in the last year. Chuck decides to call Sarah once more when Amelia gets ready for bed and if she answers, he'll tell Amelia because he isn't ready to lose that hope just yet.

Amelia crawls up on to the couch and falls asleep before they even reach the halfway point of the movie. Chuck switches it off and finishes putting the stuff away from the party that he was planning on just leaving until tomorrow while Amelia sleeps on the couch. Cleaning has always helped him think, but tonight it doesn't. It doesn't do anything for the thoughts running through his head.

As he moves into the living room to carry Amelia to bed, Chuck hears a knock at the front door. He freezes. It is late and no one should be knocking at this door. He slides back into the kitchen as the knocking continues to grab a knife and quietly goes to the door. He prays his daughter is still asleep on the couch and that if need be, he can flash. Every once in a while, he still flashes, but it doesn't happen a lot especially if his emotions are all the place. When he opens the door, he is shocked to see the women, he has loved for over 10 years just standing there on his porch.

"I'm sorry," is what Sarah says when she sees the door open. She had planned what she wanted to say, but all the words evaporate from her mind leaving those words the only word she says.

Chuck is holding a kitchen knife but drops it when he realizes that it's her. It almost hits his toes, but luckily misses. Chuck had been wanting her to just answer his call later and here she is standing there on his porch of the house they should be sharing. He just looks at her, panicking. He is happy, but feels the anger and sadness bubbling up behind that happiness. Chuck pushes it down, though. He can feel a difference in her even though he doesn't know what it is. Chuck doesn't say anything just moves to let her inside and shuts the door behind them. Maybe, it is all a dream.

The air in the house is tense. They both stand there right in the entrance of the house waiting for the other one to talk. Lucy, the golden retriever, runs up to Sarah's feet and Sarah bends down to pet her. The dog knows who she is even if Sarah herself doesn't know and she ends up sitting on the floor petting the dog who she helped pick out.

"Are you really here? Am I dead?" Chuck asks disbelief. The sadness he was trying to come out has is now at the top of his head.

Sarah turns and looks at Chuck who is learning against the door and has tears streaming down the face. Sarah isn't sure she made the right choice coming back.

"I'm really here. If you don't want me to be, I understand. I'll leave," She says standing up and keeping all emotions out of her voice. She wants to be here, but maybe Casey and Carina were wrong about Chuck wanting her still. Maybe, she has broken him too much. Maybe, she should just leave.

"Sarah, I never want you to leave," Chuck breathes out pulling Sarah into a hug she accepts quicker than she has done since Quinn stole their life. All of her worries and doubts run away as she leans into Chuck's hug.

"Mom?" a quiet voice says behind Sarah.

Chuck and Sarah quickly pull apart and Sarah turns around. Her daughter is up and standing there less than 10 feet away with the brown dog at her feet obviously protecting the little girl from the stranger. Amelia's hair is out of the pigtails and instead falls almost to her waist. It is more wavy than curly now. Sarah studies her young daughter taking everything in. The girl's emotion run rampant and are obvious on her face. Sarah can see the girl is sad, angry, and shocked all at once. Sarah wants to hug the little girl who has grown up so much since the last time she saw her. The pain on Amelia's face has obviously been caused by her.

"Why are you here?" Amelia shouts as the anger hits her causing Chuck to jump beside her. Before Sarah can even react or give an answer, Chuck is already walking over to their daughter.

"Amelia, why don't we all go to bed and we will all talk about this in the morning. It's late and have soccer camp for the next few days so you need," Chuck tells the girl bending down to her level. He isn't ready to deal with any of this tonight.

"Can you take me instead of Aunt Ellie? I don't want to ride with Clara and her weird music tastes," She asks Chuck as he wipes the tears off her face.

"Jeffesters not that weird," Chuck answers in reply laughing slightly. Amelia gives her dad a face that can only mean 'are you serious' so Chuck continues, "I'll drive you if you head to bed now."

"Okay, I'll go," Amelia says as she hugs her dad goodnight. Sarah can see Amelia wants to ask something, but is hesitant.

"Happy Birthday. Goodnight don't let the bed bugs bite." Chuck says as the small blonde pulls away and he stands up.

Just as Chuck goes to turn away from his little girl, he hears a mumbled question directed to him for Amelia, "Dad, is she going to be here, tomorrow?"

Sarah sucks a breath in and holds it. She wonders what the answer Amelia is wants.

"I am not sure, Mills. It is up to her," Chuck answers quietly looking at Amelia and then to Sarah, "She is your mom and I think we should give her a chance."

Sarah stands there quietly not saying a word and Amelia accepts the answer even if she isn't happy with it. Chuck and Sarah can both see it on their daughter's face that she doesn't want Sarah here. Amelia doesn't argue though and heads up the stairs followed by both dogs. Chuck bets she isn't arguing because she thinks Sarah is going to leave again.

Chuck turns back to Sarah taking in all the differences. Her hair is longer than the last time he saw her, but the same blonde as it always has been. The one Amelia inherited despite genetics saying it is the least probable outcome. Chuck looks at her and doesn't even know what to feel. He doesn't know if they can ever be the happy married couple they once were. He doesn't even know where their wedding rings are at the moment. After she left the last time, he took them off thinking that it was over between them and hasn't put them back on. He silently hopes they are in his P.A.N.T.S. box like he thinks they are. They are still married even if they should have been divorced years ago and the papers stuffed in a the file cabinet in the extra bedroom that Chuck uses as a home office not being able to send them to her in the past year despite not talking to her.

"Clara still likes Jeffster?" Sarah asks pulling Chuck out of his thoughts.

Chuck looks at her surprised. He can't believe she remembered that minute detail. "Yeah, she does. Ellie and Awesome let her listen to it only in the car, though, due to not wanting to here in in the house constantly," Chuck answers the next question that he knows Sarah was going to ask. "I think we should both head to bed. It has been a long day for me, and I just told Millie that I would drive her to her Soccer camp, so I have to be up early and ready to leave the house. And I really don't want to talk right, now, no offense. You can take the guest room."

Sarah nods and follows Chuck up the stairs. He opens the guest room which is one of the last two bedrooms in the four-bedroom house. The Tron poster is hanging above the bed and there is a slew of Chuck's geeky things scattered across the room just like there is in every other part of the house.

"You know where the bathroom is and everything. There should be non-kid shampoo under the sink if you want to take a shower and don't have anything…so yeah goodnight," Chuck tells her awkwardly.

"Goodnight and Thanks, Chuck," Sarah says nodding and moving her bag to the bed where she immediately lays down. She wishes Chuck would have just invited her into his bed, but know she is a long way from that. Chuck is keeping his guard up for once and she knows it is for the best.

"Your welcome," Chuck replies as he shuts the door.

He goes to his bedroom and just sits there for a long while. He is still in shock that his wife is here, and he doesn't think he will be getting any sleep tonight. He wonders why she is here. What has changed in her head for her to want to be here after not talking to anyone for a year. He knows something has changed since he last saw her, but they didn't exactly part on the best terms so maybe that is why she is acting different Chuck thinks to himself. He wonders if she is here for something and not because she wants to be. All these thoughts keep Chuck up for most of the night tossing and turning.

Just down the hall in the guest bedroom, Sarah is also tossing and turning. She doesn't know how she is going to fix this mess she has created. She has all her memories back and she is still at loss. Her daughter is at the very least angry with her if not hates her while Chuck didn't even believe she was standing in front of him. She doesn't even want to know what the rest of the family Chuck has built around him is going to say.


	6. Chapter 6: Sarah vs Almost Two Years

_Hey! Here is chapter 6! Thank you again for the reviews! To answer some questions from reviews: Amelia is 8 years old in the 2020 chapters. I admit that I am not the best at writing in general and not exactly sure on how kids talk. I thought the dialogue I wrote for her was something that my younger siblings who are 8 would say, but maybe I was wrong. If anyone has any tips on writing dialogue for kids, I'll gladly take it. If anyone has an advice in general about writing, I'll take. Thanks for reading with this story! I admit I am not sure when the next chapter will be posted as I have tons of midterms in the next three weeks and will be focusing on that. Sorry in advance!_

Sarah vs Almost Two Years

December 12, 2013

When Sarah leaves Burbank after dropping her daughter off with the baby's father, she spends the next two months getting into her previous physical shape. Well as close to her previous fitness level as she can get. Her body doesn't feel like her body anymore. It isn't even just from having a baby. Sarah has scars that she did not have five years previously. It makes trying to forget about all she has been through harder.

When she isn't in the gym, she is working with her psychiatrist. General Beckman and the doctor both think she isn't processing things. They are right, she isn't but denies this fact. Sarah wants, no needs, to go back to being a spy. She knows she needs to be a spy without emotions and becomes that once more. Her psychiatrist warns her that ignoring everything she has went through won't be good in the long run. That she needs to face her life. She doesn't care and he ends up clearing here after a couple months because technically she is fine. After Sarah is cleared by everyone, she needs to be cleared by, Sarah throws herself into mission after mission. General Beckman warns her to slow down, but she doesn't.

Sarah texts Chuck telling him she's okay every week. She doesn't answer any of the questions he asks or pick up any of his phone calls, though. She needs to not get close to him and tells herself it is for the best. Spies don't fall in love. She believes at one point she probably did love him, but right now it is best to distance herself from him and not get herself caught up in that life again. She tells herself she could never be a good mom and is not the Sarah that Chuck wants anyway. She worries that he'll track her down if she doesn't let him know she is okay and since she decides that because of this fact combined with the fact that she did love him and did drop a baby into his arms and leave, she should probably let him know she is okay weekly. It is the least she can do. That lasts until January.

In January, she goes on a mission that is rough. Her partner ends up getting shot and almost dies. Sarah walks away with a good number of broken ribs. She finds herself needing herself needing someone to talk to when Chuck calls. She doesn't even realize the date and doesn't put together why he has called. She immediately picks up. They talk for hours about anything and everything staying away from the heavy topics though. In the end, Sarah promises to come visit soon and to call more. Only one of those promises is kept.

In July of 2013, Carina somehow gets her new number and doesn't stop texting her until she agrees to meet her and Zondra. The meeting gets pushed a numerous number of times as Sarah takes missions back to back. This prompts Carina and Zondra to figure out where she is staying and camp out until she returns from the last mission Sarah took.

Sarah walks down the hallway to her hotel room and sees the two girls standing there. She doesn't know how they found her she used an alias for her room just like she used for her doctor's appointments while she was pregnant. She didn't want anyone tracking her down and still doesn't, but it looks like it didn't work. She gives a soft smile as she unlocks her hotel room and they all walk in.

"You know, it is kind of rude to cancel plans repeatedly," Carina says as they enter the small room.

"You know it is rude to track people down who obviously don't want to be," Sarah huffs as she throws her duffle bag onto the bed and sits down.

"Well, you left us with no option," Zondra replies plopping herself down in one of the chairs in the room.

"What is this about?"

"We know about 'Snoresville'. Why you were there. Why you dropped off the radar two years ago. That you left a family," Carina states hoping to get Sarah riled up with the last comment. If she cares, Sarah doesn't react, though.

"How?" Sarah asks looking at her friends. She knows that they were present for her wedding and that Amy was the traitor, not Zondra, but not much else than that.

"Popped in for a visit because we hadn't heard from anyone for a while," Zondra says while Carina adds, "We were… are…worried about you."

Sarah is surprised to hear Carina say that. The Carina, she remembers would never in a million years say that. She knows that she cared back then, even when they were on the C.A.T. squad together, but to actually hear her say it is another thing entirely.

"I have been okay," Sarah tells them. It is true she has been okay. She just isn't sure the old her would have been.

"That's good. What exactly does the C.I.A. have you doing?" Zondra asks.

This launches Sarah into a fit about incompetent partners. Which turns into a conversation about Amy which turns into other conversations. It feels natural and Sarah realizes she has missed them. They talk for hours. Carina pulls alcohol out of her bag sometime during it which doesn't surprise Sarah. She thinks she knows why they are here, but to her surprise they don't touch the topic for most of the night.

"You know you loved him, right?" Carina asks during a lull in the conversation. They are all laying on her bed and probably had a little too much to drink.

"Yeah. I don't remember it or feel it now," Sarah tells her friend. She is staring up at the ceiling, wishing she was asleep like Zondra is next to her. She wanted to avoid this conversation so much.

"I think you do, though," Carina says looking over to Sarah.

"I don't," Sarah states.

"Oh, you do and for some reason won't admit it. You wouldn't have had the little girl if you didn't feel at least a little," Carina tells her, "The first time, I knew you loved him before you even knew. This time is the same. I'll never understand why, but you love him."

Sarah shakes her head turning to look at Carina. "I don't." she repeats, "I haven't even seen them in over a year."

"Fine, I'll go place house with him," Carina tells her. She says it sarcastically, but the second she says it Sarah grabs her arm.

"You won't or I'll kill you. He doesn't need you messing with his life.," Sarah threatens. She knows Carina is trying to push her buttons just like she always has, but she has seen Carina do stupid things.

"You are right I won't. But not because of you threat, but because he only has eyes for you." Carina tells her. Carina looks at her friend and can see it in her eyes that she is right. Sarah loves Chuck.

"Did he turn you down?" Sarah asks laughing.

"Multiple times," Carina states causing both to laugh harder.

For once Carina, doesn't try and push Sarah's buttons and doesn't bring up 'Snoresville' again, until they go to part ways in the morning. Carina tells her if she wants to have C.A.T. squad meet up again, she needs to visit Chuck and Amelia or at least tell Chuck, she isn't ever coming home and to stop leading him on. Sarah doesn't answer Carina and just says goodbye. Later that night as she thinks about it, Sarah decides to visit her husband and her daughter who is quickly approaching two years old not ready to tell Chuck that she is never coming back.

* * *

July 23, 2014

Sarah doesn't tell Chuck of her plans to visit when they talk on the phone and doesn't take time off. She instead waits for a mission to be in California semi close to Burbank and plans to just make a quick stop to see Chuck and her little girl. She wants to avoid everyone else in Burbank because she isn't ready to face any of them. She isn't even sure she wants to see Chuck. It takes her awhile to get a mission like that though, but eventually she does six months after Carina and Zondra's visiting her.

The mission finishes without a problem and she makes the hour and a half drive to Burbank. She had to pull the address for his new house off the CIA database because she doesn't exactly remember where the house is as it was chaos last time she was there. She knocks on the door and prays Chuck answers. She doesn't have a lot of time but wants to see them.

Morgan didn't plan on babysitting on his Saturday off, but he ends up with both Clara and Amelia due to Chuck dealing with a technical problem at Carmichael Industries and Awesome and Ellie getting an all hands on deck call from the hospital. Everyone else was busy and he ended up being the only one free. It's the practice for him and Alex's eventually children that makes him easily accept watching his honorary nieces. He doesn't mind watching the girls, but they wear him out.

After lunch of grilled cheese, the girls are settled on the couch almost asleep watching the beginning of Wreck-It-Ralph with their Uncle Morgan, when Sarah knocks on the door. Morgan, who is also falling asleep, shoots up waking the girls laying on the couch next to him in the process. He runs over to the door followed closely by Amelia and Clara.

When Morgan opens the door trying to keep the girls from leaving the house, Sarah wishes she called first just so Chuck would be the one at the door instead of Morgan.

"Hi, Morgan," Sarah says while watching the little girls try and squeeze their way past Morgan to see.

"Sarah, I told Chuck you would be back eventually. That you would realize what you are missing and quit C.I.A.!" Morgan exclaims assuming she is here to stay. He jumps a little and ends up opening the door fully letting the girls sneak through.

"I am just here to visit," Sarah quickly says as soon as Morgan finishes saying what he was thinking. She looks at the small girls who have grown so much since the last time she has seen them. Chuck sends her pictures of Amelia sometimes including other family members such as Clara, so she has seen the girls, but she decides pictures just don't show how much the girls are growing up. "They are getting big," is all she manages to add.

"Uncle Morgan, who is she?" Clara asks eyeballing the strange woman who her Uncle knows, but she doesn't.

Amelia doesn't say anything but wraps herself around her Uncle Morgan's leg pulling on his pants almost trying to hide behind it, but still trying to watch the scene in front of her. To the little girl, the woman looks familiar.

Morgan reaches down and picks the blonde up before answering, "She's Mill's mom. Your aunt, Clara."

Clara's eyes go wide while Amelia looks back and forth from the mysterious woman and her Uncle.

"Mama?" she questioning as she points at Sarah, but before anyone can answer, she wiggles out of Morgan's arms and darts to the stairs and starts to climb the baby gate.

"Miss Amelia," Morgan says sternly getting the attention of Amelia as he sees what she is doing, "Are you allowed to climb the gate?"

Amelia pauses for a second looking at the three people at the door, answers, "No", but then goes back to climbing the gate.

Morgan leaves the door and goes to get Amelia while Sarah and Clara stand still at the door watching Morgan and Amelia. Amelia has already crossed the gate by the time he gets there.

"What's upstairs?" Morgan says exaggerating his expressions when he asks the little girl.

"Mama upstairs." The little girl says as she turns around heading up the stairs.

"Your mom is at the door," Morgan states as he unlocks the gate and goes to grab Amelia, but the second he touches her, she lets out a wail. Morgan freezes not wanting to send the little girl into tears.

"Sorry guys, I guess we are going upstairs really quick. Sarah, you can come in. Clara why don't you show her to the living room?" Morgan says as he follows the blonde up the stairs.

Sarah looks down at the girl who she guesses is her niece and is unsure how to feel. She doesn't remember Clara all too well. She basically only remembers her right at a year old, but even than her memory of her is fuzzy as she was focused on the mission Quinn sent her on. The one where she threatened to take the Clara's mom. Sarah studies Clara. She makes mental notes on things such as how her brown straight hair is almost the same as Ellie, but her eyes are blue like Devon's. The rest of her facial features are the perfect combination of her parents.

Clara pauses after being told what to do and watches Sarah study her. She isn't sure what to make of the women in front of her just like Sarah isn't sure what to make of her. But eventually grabs the woman's hand and pulls her into the living room. Sarah flinches as Clara grabs her hand, but lets the little girl tug her around.

"Sit." Clara points to the couch once at the living room. Sarah does as told. Clara is pleased once her Aunt sit and continues, "I go play with blocks. Stay."

Clara does over to the corner of the room and dumps a tub of Lego Duplo's out and starts to play. Sarah stays where she is and looks around the room while also watching Clara. There are two gaming chairs along with a couch and a glider. The bookshelf is full with children's books and movies and there is a toy chest and play table where Clara is playing. She turns around and glances at the dining room and kitchen. It all looks homey and lived in. Sarah sees the door frame where she wrote her and Chuck's names before Quinn stole her life. It is still the only full memory she has back. She sees her daughter's height marked on the door frame a few times below it.

After a few minutes, footsteps could be heard moving down the stairs than into the living room. Sarah turns just in time to see her daughter carrying what looks like a picture frame come into the room followed by Morgan.

Her daughter looks at Sarah walks over to her and climbs onto the couch than on to Sarah's lap. Sarah lets her. Sarah looks over the girl's shoulder and sees the photo is of her and Chuck. The one I kept in my suitcase Sarah thinks to herself even though she isn't sure why.

"Dada," Amelia states point at Chuck. "An' Mama." Amelia adds first pointing at Sarah in the picture, then turning around looking at Sarah and looking at Sarah.

Sarah isn't sure what to say. The little girl just continues to watch her from the spot on her lap waiting for her to say something. Morgan watches Sarah and his honorary niece's interaction after sitting down in one of the gaming chairs in the living room and decides he needs to help some.

"Yeah, that is your mom, Millie!" he says giving her a thumbs up.

Amelia smiles up at her mom and Sarah smiles back. Amelia watches Sarah for a few second and Sarah wonders what her daughter is thinking. She can see the wheels turning even though she isn't saying anything. Amelia seems to have made up her mind about something because she slides off Sarah's lap and heads over to the giant toy chest near where Clara is playing. She opens it and starts digging tossing toys on to the floor some landing near Clara.

"Uncle Morgan, tell Millie not to do that," Clara whines looking at her younger cousin. Millie turns to look at her and immediately goes back to digging.

Morgan sighs not sure what Millie is wanting, but to him it is obvious that she is looking for something. "Mills, try not to throw the toys." He warns thinking maybe she'll stop.

"'ission," she answers back not turning around and still digging. It isn't hard to guess what she was trying to say, and Sarah laughs. Morgan gets up to stop her, but before he even takes one step, Amelia has already found what she was looking for and turns around and runs back to Sarah.

It is a very old stuffed dog. It is obvious it has been very loved toy and is old. As soon as Sarah sees it, she knows that once upon a time it was hers. She doesn't know where her daughter got it but has a feeling her dad had something to do with it.

"Mama's bunny," Amelia tells Sarah as she hands the dog to her and climbs on to her lap again.

"That's not a bunny," Clara says stating the obvious and then continues to play with the blocks.

Sarah laughs at her niece. Amelia lays her head on Sarah's shoulder and continues to watch a movie on the TV that was playing when Sarah walked in. Amelia falls eventually falls asleep on Sarah. No one talks and Sarah just enjoys the peaceful moment holding her.

"Morgan, is it okay for her to sleep?" Sarah asks quietly as the movie ends unsure if this will mess with her daughter's sleep schedule. She hopes it doesn't. The room is already a mess that someone will have to handle.

Morgan looks over to Sarah and Amelia and smiles, "Yeah, she usually takes a nap around this time, unlike miss Clara over there who is too big for naps." He answers turning to Clara and making a funny face who turns in sticks her tongue out at Morgan.

Clara goes back playing and Morgan turns back to Sarah. He looks at the women who he hasn't seen since before Chuck and her beach moment. She is gently playing with her daughter's blonde curls. He wonders if maybe she'll stay, and his best friend will get his fairy tale ending. They all deserve it.

"How long are you for?" Morgan asks.

"I have a flight to catch at four," Sarah says sadly as looks at her phone to check the time. It's past 3:15, she sees and thinks she better get going. "I just had a mission close by and realized I haven't seen them in almost two years," She sighs and tries to move her daughter on the couch, but she snuggles in tighter to Sarah.

Morgan doesn't say anything. He pulls at him phone instead texts, Chuck, who was trying his best to get home.

"I better get going actually. What do I do to move her without waking her up?" Sarah asks stiff as a board afraid to move.

Morgan looks up from his phone, "I actually am not good at the not waking kid thing. But if you could hold off for 15 minutes, someone who is pretty good with all things Amelia could help you. If you could push your flight back, we are having a game night, tonight."

Sarah starts to freak and slides Amelia off her lap quickly waking her up in the process. The girl starts crying and Sarah jumps up. She suddenly doesn't want to be here any longer than she has anyway. She doesn't want to be sucked into the hole that is Burbank. She is a spy and she has to get back. While she loves her daughter, she doesn't know how to be her mom. This short time here has showed her that she can't hold her daughter without messing up. She gets up and walks to the door.

Morgan follows her leaving a crying Amelia and a confused Clara who missed the whole incident as she was playing with her blocks. Morgan catches her arm only for Sarah to turn around and grab him by the neck like she has done a few times before. Sarah quickly stops before she hurts him. Tears start rolling down her face.

"I can't be here, Morgan. I just can't," Sarah says looking at her husband's friend who she almost hurt.

"Look Sarah, you did that before you lost your memories. I am sure you'll do it to me when we are old and grey too." He quietly says trying to make a joke to defuse the tension in the air as Sarah reaches for the doorknob.

"Tell Chuck I said hi and I wished I could have seen him," Sarah says slowly turning the knob.

Morgan shakes his head and just answers a simple, "Yeah, I will." He pauses then adds, "Alex and I are getting married in April. We haven't sent out the invites yet, but we would like for you to come."

Sarah pauses opening the door, "I can't, Morgan."

"I know you can't, but I thought you should know. You are family. You will always be a part of it whether you want to be or not. I know Chuck will always accept you with open arms because he loves you," Morgan says rushing to get everything out before Sarah leaves

"I understand and I wish I could see Chuck, but I have a plane to catch. Goodbye, Morgan," she says as she walks out of the door.

Chuck walks into his house hoping by some chance his friend got his wife to stay a little longer. Instead, he walks into his crying daughter, a frustrated best friend, a grumpy niece, a messy living room, and the credits of Wreck-It-Ralph playing on the TV.


	7. Chapter 7: Sarah vs Touch

_Hey! Here's Chapter 7! Hope you enjoy! Thanks again for the reviews! Not sure when I'll get the next chapter posted. I have tons of finals coming up and my sister's wedding to attend. Hope you enjoy!_

**Sarah vs Touch**

August 2, 2020

Amelia and Chuck get up and get ready for the day long before Sarah even gets up. They leave by 7:30 to get Amelia to practice at 8. Sarah stays in bed even though she is woken up by Chuck, Amelia, and the dogs running up and down the stairs. She doesn't want to disturb them, so she stays in bed until they leave. She ends up falling back asleep for a few hours. Sarah eventually gets up and ready for the day. As she goes down the staircase, she wonders if Chuck is home yet. When she reaches the bottom step, she is thankful the dogs just look at her from their spots on their beds as she continues to the kitchen. She finds a note from Chuck on the counter:

_Sarah,_

_I'll be back in a few hours. After I drop her off, I need to run to get groceries and do a few errands. _

_Chuck_

The house mostly looks the same as when she was here a little over a year ago. Pictures have been updated and she can't find a picture of herself anywhere. On the counter, are cards. Sarah pick them up know she shouldn't and quietly reads them. They are all for her daughter. The first card is from the Buy More people who haven't changed all that much in the time since Sarah originally came to Burbank. There is separate from Jeff and Lester that plays Africa by Toto when she opens it. It reminds her of one of the times they played in the Buy More and when Chuck first called her a friend. It feels like a lifetime ago. She hopes that her and Chuck can at least go back to being friends.

Sarah passes through some cards from people she doesn't know and from people like Chuck's mom. A few cards in there is one signed Love Aunt C and Aunt Z. Sarah smiles. Her little girl has made an impression on her friends from the C.A.T. squad. She never received one from them in all the years she had been friends with them.

Sarah continues through the cards. There are a few homemade ones. One is well made and from Molly and her mom. She is happy that her mother got a second chance at raising a kid and that she is better than Sarah could have ever been. The last card is one with a Monkey in a tutu and tiara on it. When she opens it, a piece of paper folded up from a legal pad falls out onto the floor. She reads the card before picking up the paper and is surprised to see a simple message:

_Happy Birthday Monkey! Thought this card was perfect for you!_

_Love, Gramps_

Sarah knows that it has to be from her dad. She wants to cry. Her dad who she hasn't seen since before the wedding sent a card to his granddaughter. She can't even remember her own daughter's birthday. Sarah knows that he was in contact with them since the first time she visited her growing daughter a few years ago, but it is still a shock to see that he has been a greater part of Amelia's life then Sarah herself has. She bends down and picks up the piece of paper unfolding it so she can read it.

_The Snooke and the Monkey,_

_Hope all is well. I hope my daughter has found her way back to you both. I made a bet that you loved her years ago and I know that you still do. I wish I could help her see that she loved you and probably still does. I feel it is partly my fault as I raised her constantly running away from everything. _

_Have fun on your guy's next great adventure,_

_Gramps_

As Sarah read the end, Chuck enters the house holding groceries and a pizza. He smiles at her with his dorky grin that hasn't changed since the day she met him.

"Vegetarian no olives. Just the way you have always liked it." Chuck grins wrinkling his nose at her as he puts the groceries on the table and Sarah stuffs the note back in the card and puts it back at the bottom of the stack hoping Chuck hasn't noticed her going through them.

Sarah moves around the kitchen into the dining room while Chuck does the opposite. Sarah sits down at the table while he continues to go out to the car and grab groceries.

"I am sorry about Amelia last night," Chuck apologies as he starts actually putting the groceries away.

Sarah shakes her head. Chuck shouldn't be apologizing for something he couldn't control.

"It's my fault. I get why she is angry. I was angry with my parents for a long time. Hell, I am angry with myself right now for not being here for her. For just dropping her off all those years ago. For visiting, but never staying," Sarah informs Chuck. He looks up at her with an expression she can't read.

"She'll forgive you as long as you stay. You forgave your parents and I forgave mine. I don't know if you remember that my mom left me when I was 8 and my dad left me when I was 13, but I still forgave them. It might take a while because she doesn't really know you and her only memories of you are of you breaking promises, but I think someday she'll forgive as long as you stay," Chuck says tells her. He is being completely truthful. He thinks it might take a while just like it will take him, but Amelia will forgive Sarah.

"Thanks, I really needed to hear that," Sarah says. She wants to ask will you. But doesn't

"I say the right things sometimes," Chuck says quietly as he finished putting the groceries away which makes Sarah laugh.

When he is done, he sits across from her. She doesn't open the pizza and just sits there waiting for Chuck to finish.

"You could have started without me," he states as he opens the pizza box and hands her a paper plate that is still on the table from the night before and a piece of pizza.

Sarah doesn't say anything but takes the plate. Her mind is still thinking about the cards and how she didn't even remember her daughter's birthday. How her daughter has so many people that care for her other than her. How she pretty much gave up her daughter and never looked back. She might have visited a handful of times, but never stayed. And how the people she loves the most have been hurt by her.

"You good?" Chuck asks as he reaches across the table and puts his hand on hers pulling her out of her mind.

Sarah jumps when Chuck touches her pulling her hand almost away immediately. He wishes he could see into her mind and figure out what she is thinking.

"I am fine. Just thinking," She says curling up into herself her attention on the plate in front of her and not anything else.

"Don't pull away, Sarah," Chuck says his voice quivering, "You're here which is something I never thought I would see again. Please don't pull away."

Sarah looks up at him and gently takes his hand that is still where she left in when she pulled away.

"I won't….I…" Sarah stumbles over her words, "I won't leave you this time. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Chuck warns her. Even though, he wants her here he is still angry she can hear it in his voice. She is pulled back to over a year ago when she made a series of promises she couldn't keep to her at the time 6 year old daughter that resulted in a fight between her and Chuck where she said somethings that resulted in him telling her to never come back.

"This time," She chokes up, "This time I won't. I won't, Chuck. I won't run. I love you. I love her."

The last six words come out completely by accident, but Sarah means them. Over the past year after she remembered everything, she stayed away not because she didn't love them, but because she loved them too much and didn't want to hurt them again. She has loved both Chuck and Amelia for a long time just never admitted it until her memories came back. She had fallen in love with Chuck again at the beach and she loved Amelia the second she was born, but just buried the feelings she didn't know how to deal with.

Chuck watches her closely. He hasn't heard those words in eight and a half years from Sarah. She has sat there and looked at him every time he has said it not saying anything. It surprises him and lets him know something has changed in her in the past year. He doesn't even know what has.

"Sarah, I still care for you…, "Chuck tells her, "But I think last time proved neither of us love each other like we once did. I don't know if we'll ever be able to. Hell, you don't even know what you felt the first time. Before I can even love you again fully, I need to trust you won't just back away."

Sarah could feel the but coming a mile away. Chuck's barely holding it together and she can see he wants to say more but doesn't. She is sad that he doesn't trust her word yet, but she understands because if she were in his position, she doubts she would even let him into the house. She knows in the past he has heard her say she won't leave only for her to leave again and again. He has told her he will always be there even when she wasn't and her to yell, she never loved him and wished she had never had their daughter.

"I am not leaving this time and will do whatever it takes to get your full, trust back. I am here for the long run this time. I want this, " Sarah says. She isn't leaving this time no matter what.

"What's changed?" he questions as he studies her. He can feel she means it for once but has no idea why her mind has changed. Last time, he saw her she said she regretted having their daughter. Now she is saying she wants the life that she has ignored.

"I…" Sarah starts. She has no idea where she is going with it. She has no idea where to start, "I remember" is all she manages to get out. That is the reason she thinks she can do this, but in all honesty, she has wished she could've had this life since Amelia was born. Sarah just convinced herself she wasn't the Sarah that could do this.

Chuck's mind races. He has wanted her to remember since the second she started to lose memories. It has finally happened after he finally started to think it was never going to happen. He is so angry at her for leaving him to deal with Amelia

"How long?" Chuck asks. He needs to know.  
"Not that long after I left here," Sarah whispers.

"And yet, you still didn't come back." Chuck says getting up and throwing his plate away. He is angry and doesn't want to fight with her. Not now when he just got her back. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand why she has now come back after over a year of no contact, "Why now? Why come back now?"

"I missed you," Sarah says getting up and following Chuck to the kitchen. She wraps her arms around his waist and hugs him.

"I'm not sure if that's enough anymore," he tells her pulling away. He loves her, but he is so angry with her. She had been so selfish wanting to stay in the spy life and leaving them repeatedly.

Sarah has tears in her eyes. She has really screwed up. She opens her mouth to say something, but words don't come out.

Chuck turns around and looks at her. He can see what he just did has hurt her even if it was small. He shakes his head and cuts her off before she can say anything. "I know your sorry. I love you and I always will. I just don't think we can ever go back."

He turns around and leaves her standing in the kitchen that should feel like home but doesn't. She wishes so bad he would hug and hold her. Chuck wishes he could just get over the bad feelings toward her and embrace the love and good feelings. Neither have any idea how to fix the mess that is there love life.

* * *

August 25, 2020

The next three weeks, Sarah avoids the rest of the family. Chuck doesn't push her to see them for which she is thankful for. Chuck doesn't push her to talk either. He walks on eggshells around her. Sarah is pretty sure both him and Amelia think she is going to leave. Amelia mostly ignores her presence. Even when they sit down at dinner, Amelia stays mostly quiet. Sarah tries her best to show them both that she is here to stay. Mostly Chuck and Amelia go about their usual routines leaving Sarah at home and she mostly sits and watches some of the movie collection that they own.

One day when Chuck and Amelia go to Amelia's scrimmage game, she hears someone knock on the door. She doesn't know if she should answer it or not, but when the knocking intensifies, she knows she better. When she answers it, it is her mother-in-law. Sarah stares at her not knowing what to say.

"Are you going to let me in?" Mary asks. She doesn't look surprised at all.

"Chuck and Amelia aren't home. They went to her scrimmage game," Sarah states not wanting to deal with Mary. Her and Ellie are the last people Sarah wants to interact due to their protectiveness and loyalty to Chuck.

"I know. I came to talk to you," Mary tells Sarah pushing her way into the house.

"How did you know I was here?" Sarah asks she knows Chuck hasn't told anyone that she is back. She asked him not to and he said he wouldn't.

"I am a spy, Sarah, just like you. I know how to read people," she tells her moving into the dining room and sitting at the table, "My son acts different whenever you come around and Amelia is angry at the world, lately, so I made an educated guess and it was correct. By my best guess you have been here since not long after Millie's birthday."

Sarah just nods.

"Sarah, I know you don't want me here," Mary says when it becomes obvious that Sarah isn't going to talk, "I am not here to give you lecture. I came to try and to convince you to go to the scrimmage."

"I don't think she wants me there," Sarah says shaking her head. She knows she doesn't. Her daughter doesn't even want her here in general.

"Oh, I know she doesn't want you there, but if you don't try, it will never get better. Distance might make the spy life easier, but it makes family life harder. I know from experience," Mary tells Sarah looking directly at her. Mary can see that her daughter-in-law wants to be here, wants to change, but Mary herself knows how hard that can be.

"I don't know if I am ready to face, everyone yet. I know they all are going to be there. Everyone. I hurt them all," she says put her head down and looking at her hands. Sarah is disappointed in herself. She knows that she hurt everyone that could be considered family.

"Oh, you defiantly have, but there is no changing that now," Mary says getting up from the table, "You can only move forward from now. I am leaving now, if you would like to go."

Sarah freezes. Her thoughts consume her. She knows eventually she must see everyone. She knows needs to try and fix things with her daughter. To try to make up for everything she has done. To try and get Chuck to love her again. To prove that she is here to stay. Maybe, Mary is right. She decides to go and follows Mary out of the house locking the door behind her.

On the drive over, to the field nothing is said. Mary looks pleased with herself. When they get there, Sarah wishes she could just stay in the car when she can see everyone from the bleachers. Her mom, Chuck, Ellie, Devon, and the young Joshua Woodcomb is sitting all together happy. She doesn't want to ruin their happiness just like she didn't want to ruin her daughter's birthday party.

"You're going to have to get out, Sarah," Mary tells her as turns off the car.

"I know." Sarah says.

"I have to ask what made you come back? Because I know last time didn't end well," Mary asks just sitting in the car not yet opening the door.

"I realized I love them. I always have. I was scared," Sarah says quietly like it is something she should be ashamed of, "I have missed them so much and it just got too much. Everything got too much and even though I knew I had hurt them; I need them still. I need them. I hope everyone will be able to just forgive me."

"Let that be the reason to get out of this car. Also, they'll forgive you. If Chuck forgave me, he'll forgive you. I know I forgive you for hurting them. But you really need to forgive yourself, first," Mary says exiting the car satisfied with Sarah answer, "Then you need to stop holding back whatever you are from him."

Sarah follows Mary to the bleachers where everyone is sitting.

"Mimi!" Joshua Woodcomb yells hopping up from where he was sitting and jumping into Mary's arms. It causes the whole family to turn and look at Sarah and Mary.

Ellie is the first one to see her. Her eyes grow wide in shock and she immediately turn around to Chuck. Chuck immediately breaks out in a smile. He is happy to see her. Glad, she has made the choice to come to their daughter's game. He gets up to hug her and Sarah lets him.

"I am so glad you decided to come," he whispers in her ear before letting go. Sarah grins back at him. It feels like a step in the right direction for once, Sarah just hopes the two steps back won't follow it.

She hugs everyone else and no one questions out loud why she is here. She wonders if Chuck told them. Sarah sits down next to Chuck and her mom. They watch the game. She watches Amelia mostly. She leans against Chuck until her daughter starts motioning their way for a water.

"All be back," Chuck says getting up to go the concession stand leaving Sarah wishing for him back.

"Where's Molly?" Sarah asks realizing her mother is here, but not her sister.

"She's a high school volunteer," Emma says pointing over to the bench.

Sarah looks over to the soccer team and realizes her sister is one of the coaches for Amelia and Clara's team.

"She loves the sport and after she helped with soccer camp, they asked her. She now runs around playing with the soccer team and coaching the 3rd and 4th graders," her mom explains.

"You drive her here every day?" Sarah questions. She can't imagine doing that.

"No. Not long after Ryker found us and you went through your memory loss, we moved. The house was a mess. You went through a wall. We moved to be closer to be near you. Even though, you weren't around I am glad we did because I got to help with my beautiful granddaughter," her mom says grabbing Sarah hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Did you move the restaurant, also?" Sarah asks. She can't see her mom giving up the family restaurant, but so much has changed. She could never see her mother even moving.

"No, well kind of. I opened a second location and eventually a third," Emma tells her, "The third is in the place where the Burbank wienerlicious used to be. It does well."

"It does awesome," Devon interjects from behind them, "Your mom just doesn't like to brag."

Her mom shakes her head. "Only because I have all the people from the Buy More there. They either go there or to subway."

"They have this weird loyalty to Chuck." Ellie answers.

"Who has a weird loyalty to me?" Chuck asks sitting down next to Sarah.

"The Buy Morians," Ellie answers.

Chuck just laughs and wraps his arms around Sarah waist pulling her close. Sarah leans into him again thinking about how she is so thankful that he is here, and the rest of her family is here. That they are okay with her being here. She thinks about her mom and how she moved herself and Molly to Burbank to be closer to herself.

Sarah is so relieved that her mom didn't give up the family restaurant to move closer to her. Her mom didn't exactly raise her as she worked a lot at that little restaurant as Sarah's ageing grandparent couldn't run it anymore. She spent a lot of time with her grandma and grandpa only for her to be practically kidnapped by her dad at the age of 10. She had wanted to go with him, and he hadn't stopped her that time. When she finally graduated Harvard before going to the C.I.A., she had tracked her mom down. It was harder than expected, but she had found her. Sarah had also discovered that she had been marked a missing child. Her grandparents had died by then leaving her mom all by herself with only the restaurant to live for. To the world, Samantha Lisa Langford was still a cold case to this day. Sarah Lisa Walker was linked to a lot of different names but was never linked to her birth name. Graham hadn't even known that to Sarah's knowledge.

Sarah and her mom eventually reformed a sort of mother daughter relationship, that eventually led Sarah to giving her mom Molly. Her relationship with her mom has always been strained in one way or another. In fourteen years, Sarah had talked to her mom only a handful of times. She regrets that now just like she regrets leaving Chuck to raise their daughter alone. Sarah is happy that even though her mother has moved from Sarah's childhood home, that she still kept the restaurant. She is happy that her mom got to raise a better child and be a part of her granddaughter's life.

"I am happy your back," Emma whispers pulling her out of her thoughts.

"I am happy to be back," Sarah smiles back. Her life seems to be going the right direction again for the first time in years. She doesn't know how to feel. She leans up against Chuck a little more and he just holds her tighter as if he is afraid if he lets go, he'll lose her.

* * *

October 16, 2020

After the scrimmage, Sarah's life seems to start to become the life she imagined having before Quinn took her memories. Sarah is still working for the C.I.A. She attends meeting through video conferences and Chuck basically gives her his home office to use even though he isn't happy with her still working for the C.I.A. She attends Amelia soccer games and goes to lunch with her mom. Sarah goes to family game nights and most of the time just ends up sitting in the corner, but she is trying. There is a large gap that is slowly closing between her and everyone else.

Sarah and Chuck's relationship improves. They still aren't sleeping in the same bed or wearing their wedding rings, but they are talking like they used to do on the phone. They stay away from the major topics and are a long way from being completely okay, but they are getting better. When Sarah isn't meeting her mom for lunch, she tries to meet Chuck if he is available.

Amelia pulls away more and more as Chuck comes closer. She can see Chuck is worried about their daughter, but as she begins the school year things start to get better. Sarah knows she is the problem but is at a loss on how to fix it. Every time she tries Amelia stays silent, so Sarah decides to wait until her daughter is ready. Chuck recommends that Sarah pick up Amelia after school or her practices instead of himself or one of their other family members since she is home. Sarah accepts that idea and her, Chuck, and Amelia settle into a routine.

"Mom, can you be Padme for Halloween?" Amelia asks one night while Chuck is running late from work leaving Sarah and Amelia alone.

Sarah has her back turned to Amelia as she cooks, and Amelia sits at the counter doing homework. It is something they do when Chuck is running late. They don't talk, but at least they have progressed to being able to sit in the same room Sarah cooking and Amelia doing homework.

"What?" Sarah asks as she spins around. Sarah knows her daughter just asked her something, but she has no idea what. She was too focused on cooking dinner and wasn't expecting her daughter to talk to her.

"She's from Star Wars. I am being Ashoka and dad's Anakin," Her daughter tells. She looks embarrassed she asked the question and fidgets with her pencil. "We always do a family costume when we go trick or treating and you're my mom so you should be a part of it."

Sarah doesn't recognize the character who Amelia is being, but she does know what Star Wars is. "Yeah, Mills I'll be whoever you want to be."

Amelia smiles and wrinkles her nose just like Chuck does. She may look like Sarah in all other aspects, but her smile is all Chuck. "I'll tell dad." She says as she goes back to doing her homework.

As Sarah turns around to go back to chopping vegetables, Amelia starts to speak again.

"We do this thing called a hat parade for Halloween cause we aren't allowed to wear costumes at school and it is my last year cause I'm a 3rd grader and 4th graders don't get the parties anymore. It's kinda really unfair…" Amelia spirals. Another thing that she got from her dad Sarah thinks to herself, "and I would really like for you to go."

"I'll be there," Sarah tells Amelia. Amelia's blue eyes light up with hope and excitement. She has the answer she wanted and goes back to doing her homework.

Sarah goes back to cooking and by the time Chuck gets home, dinner is done. They all sit down as family and for the first time since Sarah came back, Amelia talks nonstop. Chuck's worry melts away and Sarah wonders if this is her daughter's true personality. A talkative nerdy adventurous kid. They end up curled up on the couch, Amelia in between Chuck and Sarah, watching a few episodes of the Clone Wars after Amelia finds out Sarah doesn't know who Ashoka is. Chuck reaches behind Amelia sometime during one of the episodes and just takes Sarah's hand in his. It is a simple gesture, but it is progress. For all three, they feel like a family for once.


	8. Chapter 8: Sarah vs Buried Thoughts

_Hi! Here's Chapter 8! Thanks again for the reviews!_

Chapter 8: Sarah vs Buried Thoughts

April 13, 2015

Chuck avoids Sarah's phone calls for a while after the day that Sarah visited. He is angry with her and the fact that she left their young daughter in tears. This makes Sarah pour more of herself than she already did into work. Eventually, Chuck calms down enough to call Sarah back which ends up in a game of phone tag because Sarah is busy with missions and Chuck is busy with his company and Amelia. They talk after a few months and easily fall back into the rhythm of the weekly phone calls again. Sarah isn't sure whose benefit it is for anymore. She is starting to feel like she needs to talk to him like she needs to drink water. Whenever something happens exciting on a mission, she finds herself reaching to call Chuck to tell him about it. Chuck has become her biggest support system.

Chuck never brings up the day she showed up which Sarah is thankful for. The only thing Chuck does do is ask when her next visit will be, repeatedly which ends up with Sarah angrily telling him, she can't be there for whatever reason she has this week and hanging up on Chuck a few times. Chuck also tries to get her to talk to Amelia on the phone. A few times, she does, and it goes about as well you would expect a two year to talk on the phone to someone. Sarah finds herself missing her daughter just like she does Chuck.

Sarah does not think she will be attending the wedding until Beckman demands she take a weekend off due to people on her team being injured. At first, she thinks she'll just be staying in Washington and just lay around her hotel room for a few days because sometimes the best break is one where you just stay home, but Chuck calls her the Thursday. They start out talking about their usual topics such as her work and Amelia and she accidently lets slip that Beckman is making her take the weekend off.

"Sarah, since you're free," Chuck starts and Sarah knows instantly how he is going to continue, "Are you going to come to the wedding?"

"Chuck," Sarah sighs. She is already angry with the General and really doesn't want to start a fight with the only other person she has regular contact with. He has become a fixture in her life without her being aware of it even though they are 1000 of miles away. He has become her friend even though she hasn't seen him since the day she dropped the little girl off. Even though she left him in a terrible way.

Sarah doesn't know how to finish, and Chuck doesn't say anything afraid to push her into hanging up. It is a dance they do more and more often as Chuck becomes more and more impatient with her.

Eventually Chuck manages to choke out a quiet, "Sarah, please…"

Sarah doesn't know what makes her agree, but she does.

She arrives early Saturday, which is the day of the wedding. She is almost late and heads straight to the venue where it is at. The church feels familiar, but she knows that it isn't the one where her wedding took place. That she is sure of. She has watched her wedding video enough times to know that. When she gets there, she sits toward the back by herself. She sees up in one of the front rows her mom, her sister, Mary, Devon, and Ellie with Clara on her lap. Her mom has somehow found herself in the family which Sarah left. She hasn't talked to her since the day she decided to keep Amelia and it feels like an eternity ago. Sarah feels a pull in the back of her mind that she should be up there sitting with them. She doesn't remember Alex at all though, and she has almost choked Morgan every time they have interacted, so she decides to stay put.

The wedding march starts and bridesmaids and groomsmen filter in. Sarah doesn't recognize any of the bridesmaids, but the groomsmen on the other hand she recognizes as all people from the Buy More plus Chuck who is the best man. Amelia, who is the flower girl, and a little boy walk down the aisle. Amelia doesn't drop any flower petals and just holds her basket. Soon, after Casey walks Alex down the aisle.

It hits Sarah when she sees Casey why she knows the church feels so familiar, but it doesn't make any sense. Her brain is telling her Casey's Funeral, but as Casey is walking Alex down the aisle Sarah knows that can't be true. It is another simple memory that she doesn't understand. She hates that her brain gives her words and things that should connect to a memory, but just leave her feeling empty. They are just words that mean nothing.

Sarah spends the whole wedding mesmerized by her daughter. Amelia has lost a lot of her chubby toddlerness that she had only a few months ago. Amelia gets bored halfway through the ceremony and starts throwing the previously forgotten flower petals. All Sarah can do is shake her head. One of the bridesmaids scoops Amelia up to stop her. Sarah feels something that could only be described as jealousy. She shoves the feeling down and tries to become the cold spy again.

The wedding ceremony ends, and the wedding party starts to file out. As Chuck leaves, he takes Amelia from the bridesmaid and Amelia is back to tossing the flowers as they leave. Another memory hits Sarah. This time the memory is of her own wedding and Alex, Mary, and all of the other people at her wedding tossing confetti at them as they leave.

Sarah waits until everyone has left the church to go to the reception hall across the street to walk around the church a little hoping something would trigger a memory and explain why Casey had a funeral. That maybe something would trigger more. Nothing does much to Sarah's disappointment. It is the same as every other thing she remembers.

She makes her way across the street and into the building. All the tables are taken people filling everyone and Sarah feels unsure what to do just standing there until she sees her mom beckoning her over to a table where the rest of the family is at. Her mom immediately hugs her.

"I missed you. You need to call me," Emma whispers into Sarah's ear.

"I'm sorry. I know," Sarah mumbles pulling away and wiping the tears.

"You should really visit," she tells Sarah sitting down back where she was next to Molly leaving Sarah having to sit by Molly if she also wants to sit by Chuck. Which she honestly does so she sits down next to the little she rescued.

Molly looks at Sarah and Sarah can tell she is nervous. "Do you remember me?" the eight-year-old asks her brown eyes meeting Sarah's blue.

Sarah looks to her mom for help, but her mom looks shocked at the question her younger daughter asked her older one. Emma never thought that question would come out of her adoptive daughter's mouth. Molly has asked a lot of questions in the years since she originally met Sarah, but never really about Sarah's memories.

"I know who you are Molly. I know you are my sister. I remember when you were a tiny baby. But I honestly don't remember when you visited me. I wished I did, but I had an accident," Sarah tells Molly hoping that will be enough.

"I know you had an accident. That is why you left Amelia with Chuck and you can't be here," Molly tells Sarah like it is a fact and not Sarah's own choice. Molly leans in for a hug, "I hope you can be here more."

Chuck who missed the question from the 8-year-old because he was handling Amelia turns to her and gives her a slight nudge turning her attention from her mom and Molly to him and Amelia.

"Mills, look who it is?" Chuck says to the little girl who is coloring on a coloring page with fat crayons.

Amelia turns her head to Sarah and her eyes light up, "Mommy," the little girl squeals as she crawls over Chuck to Sarah.

Sarah freezes at first unsure what to do. But she can feel the eyes of everyone at the table, Ellie, Devon, Mary, Emma, Molly, and Clara, all of them on her so she lets the young girl crawl into her lap. She sits there unsure what to do stiff as a board with the little girl on her lap. As everyone settles, Sarah settles also talking and enjoying everyone including Amelia who is now back to coloring, but this time sitting on her lap. Eventually, there table is called to go get food and Chuck goes to take Amelia from Sarah.

"No!" Amelia shrieks in an ear-piercing voice.

"Amelia, Momma is going to be with us getting food." Chuck tells her which does nothing to reason with two and half year olds.

"No! I fine. I color," She shrieks even louder than the first time. Sarah had no idea that was even possible.

"Chuck, it's fine I'll stay here with her," Sarah says before Amelia starts to cry.

"Are you positive?" Chuck looks at her questioning.

"Yeah, it's fine," she tells him. She has no idea Amelia wants to be with her so bad. She is barley her mom and has only held her a handful of times. But for some reason, Amelia wants Sarah. It makes Sarah feel relieved. Her daughter actually wants her.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Chuck asks as he gets up. Chuck watches her for any signs that she is really just saying this so the people around them stop staring and that she really wants to sit there at the table alone with Amelia even if it is only for a few minutes.

"No, it is fine." Sarah says as she gives Chuck a smile to let him know that she will be okay. She can see he still is unsure about leaving her.

Chuck decides with that to go up and get food for himself, Sarah, and Amelia. As he starts juggling plates, he wonders if maybe he should have just listened to Sarah that she didn't want anything. Three plates are a lot harder than two, but he hopes maybe he can juggle three instead of two more often. He successfully makes it back to his seat next to Sarah.

"You didn't have to, Chuck," Sarah tells him when he sets both her and Amelia's plate in front of her.

"I did, though. It is what husbands do," he says sitting down next to her and wrapping his hand on the back of her chair.

Sarah looks at him. He doesn't even look like he registered what he said. They are married. They have a daughter. It is so natural for him to call himself her husband even though this is the first time in almost three years that she has seen him. He is a natural family person. While for her, it is a part of her she barriers deep inside of herself most of the time. She hates herself for it, but she can't bring herself to stop barring this part of herself.

Everyone slowly finishes their food and turns to the dance floor. Music is played and everyone is dancing, well everyone besides Sarah. She doesn't feel like dancing, so she sits by herself. Amelia has left her to run around with Clara. Chuck mostly just stands off to the side talking to people Sarah knows, but also doesn't know while keeping a watchful eye on the kids. Eventually, Amelia spots Sarah and remembers she is there and runs over to her.

"Come dance, Mommy," she squeals obviously hyped up from cake and the energy coming from everyone besides Sarah. Amelia grabs Sarah's hand and pulls her. Sarah doesn't move.

"Come dance!" she yells looking back at Sarah. Sarah gets up this time afraid her daughter might throw a fit.

On the dance floor, her daughter pulls her to Chuck. Chuck immediately picks up Amelia.

"I see you got mommy to dance," Chuck says gently tickling the little girl.

"Yep!" she says as she squirms her way out of Chuck's arms and runs to dance with Clara and Molly.

"I feel I should clarify that I did not ask her to go get you even though I am happy you are up and not sitting alone," Chuck tells Sarah knowing how it must look to her.

"I know and it's fine," Sarah tells him.

Sarah continues to stay on the dance floor mostly just watching Chuck watch Amelia. They don't say much to each other just stay toward the side. Alex and Morgan look so happy and Sarah wonders if she and Chuck were ever actually as happy as the new bride and groom. Sarah thinks at one time they probably were and she wishes they could somehow achieve the happiness they once had.

When a slow song starts to play, Chuck looks at Sarah. Sarah just nods and takes his hand. They dance, well sway, together. It feels natural. Chuck's hands on her waist and her head leaning against him. She doesn't know what makes her due it and blames it on the alcohol later, but she kisses him. When she does a memory hits her like a ton of bricks. Bomb. Chuck's Lips. Bryce. Fake Bomb.

Sarah has heard the story, listened to her mission logs, and read the reports enough times to know what moment this memory goes with. Chuck pulls her closer just as she thinks about pulling away and deepens the kiss. They eventually need to breathe and do pull away. Chuck looks at her with a look that Sarah can only describe as love. It scares her, but for the remaining time at the reception they stand leaning into each other.

After saying, goodbye to everyone including Alex and Morgan who Sarah can see are so happy, they leave. Sarah wonders if Chuck and her were that happy on theirs on the ride home. Sarah and Chuck don't talk, but half the car ride, Amelia fills the silence. Eventually, she just goes quiet and falls asleep. Sarah, herself, is almost asleep in the car when they pull up to the house. Amelia is totally out in her car seat so Chuck carries her. She is so little in his arms. At the door, He struggles with the keys trying to find the right one until Sarah reaches over and grabs them off him.

"Which one is it?" she asks.

"The one that has a blue dot on it." He answers in a whisper hoping Amelia stays asleep.

Sarah inserts the key into the door and walks inside letting Chuck in first. She closes the door and pauses unsure what to do. She has no idea what she is doing here anyway.

"I'm going to go lay her down and I'll be right back. You can go sit," Chuck says noticing her fidgeting at the door as he climbs the stairs. There is no more baby gate she observes and it makes it more obvious, that her daughter is growing up without her.

Sarah nods and goes to sit down on the couch. She sits down in the same spot she sat just a few months ago. Her thoughts are racing. She wants to flee and wonders if she made a mistake by coming back. Sarah sits during those few minutes looking around the room that has changed so much in so little time. New pictures are up and the bookshelf is full of so many different children's books. She is surprised to see a few photos of her thrown into the mix that weren't up before.

"Sorry, about the kiss earlier," Chuck apologizes as he comes down the stairs and goes to the kitchen.

"No, it's fine, I'm fine. I initiated it," Sarah stumbles with her words.

Chuck comes back from the kitchen with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. "I figured we'll need this," He says handing her a glass and sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

"Yeah, we probably will," Sarah takes the glass. They honestly need to talk about a lot of things. But she finds herself just wanting to sit here in his presence.

"I am happy you're here," Chuck tells her.

Sarah just nods and drinks her scotch. She watches him and can see he wants to say more but stops himself. They sit there in silence for a few minutes until Chuck gets tired of the awkward silence.

"Amelia is so happy you're here. Ever since the last time you were here, she is attached to the idea of her mother, of you. We need you here. She needs you here." Chuck stumbles through.

Sarah looks at Chuck. She doesn't know what she even wants to say to that. She wishes she wasn't here and that she never came back. She has given them too much hope.

"Chuck…" Sarah sighs putting the glass on the table and rubbing her eyes. She doesn't even know what to say to that. "I'm not staying."

"I am sorry," Chuck tells her even though he has nothing to apologize for. His heart is breaking into pieces yet again. She is hurting him.

"No I'm sorry. I'm not what you and her need. Maybe we should both move on; I'll leave you alone after this. We can get a divorce and you can find someone who is actually here for her." She stutters out. They would be better off without her. She doesn't deserve him at all. She needs to be the cold spy again, but is struggling to gain her composure. She doesn't understand why Chuck is so easily able to chip away at her.

Chuck closes his eyes and puts his face in his hands. He takes a few long deep breaths trying to keep from crying. As he looks up, he sees the tears running down Sarah's face. He reaches over and pulls her into a hug. Sarah goes stiff at first, but then settles into the hug.

"I have told you before, I'll tell you again. I'll never move on. I will always want you here. I don't care if you never show up again, I really don't want a divorce unless you really want to. It keeps us tied together and if you die on a mission, I am more likely to be notified. I love you and I'll love you forever," he cries gently into her hair. It smells the same as it always has.

"I don't know if I can ever be her, Chuck. I need to be a spy. You deserve someone better than me," Sarah sobs turning her head up to look at him. She has been keeping her emotions so bottled up for so long that she feels like a burst pipe.

He looks down at her, "You are the Sarah I want. You are always her. I accept you. I know that you think you have to be a spy and I accept that even if I don't like it. Even if I know you could be happy here."

Neither say a word after that. They stay intertwined together just holding each other. They haven't talked that much, but it feels like a step in a better, different direction than their conversations than their conversations on the phone. Neither one can say who fell asleep first that night, but they end up curled up on the couch together.

Chuck wakes up to little hands on his arm. He doesn't even have to look who it is.

"Amelia," Chuck mumbles eyes still closed, "Why are you up?"

"Bad dream," the little girl answers.

Chuck opens his eyes and sees it is only 4 am and still dark. He is flat on his back with Sarah's head on his shoulder, their arms wrapped around each other, and legs tangled. He really doesn't want to move. He looks at Amelia, moves his free arm, and reaches out to the little girl. She immediately climbs on to Chuck chest snuggling into Sarah.

Sarah is the first to wake up for the day. It's earlier than she would like to be up, but for once she feels well rested even though she is wedged in between the back of the couch and Chuck's body. Amelia is wrapped around her arm that was on Chuck's chest. Her daughter's wild mane covers her face and Sarah can't help but detangle her arm from her daughter just to push the loose curls out so she can see her little face. Sarah just lays their content with where she is at watching her daughter sleep as she lays on her husband's chest. It is a moment that she realizes that she wants more of the picture-perfect moments. She wants to try and reclaim what Quinn has taken and not what she thought she lost in the five years.

Eventually, they do get up and Chuck prepares breakfast. Sarah and Amelia both sit down at the table. Amelia is talking a mile a minute instead of being the quiet child, she was the first time Sarah visited, Sarah tries to follow along only for her to get lost when the child mumbles a word and she can't understand her. She looks to Chuck and he translates for her. Chuck finishes making the pancakes, shaped like Mickey Mouse, and bacon and sits down across from Sarah and Amelia.

"I am going to leave, Chuck," Sarah tells them when Amelia finally goes quiet enjoying her pancakes. Sarah watches her daughter not meeting Chuck's eyes doesn't look up.

"I figured," he says trying not to sound disappointed and bitter, but it comes out that way, "I will always be here for you."

"I know. I just can't be here. I am not ready," Sarah tells him. He is surprised when she continues, "I would like to visit more if you would let me, though."

"I would love to have you here." Chuck says with a sad smile as Sarah gets up and leaves him and Amelia alone yet again.

* * *

May 3, 2016

Despite wanting to visit, Sarah doesn't come back to Burbank for over a year. She originally needs time to process the new memories and then starts to try and visit. Chuck and her do have plans to see each other that fall through multiple times. Sarah tries to take a few days off multiple times, but always ends up on extended missions. Chuck tells her it is fine, but she knows it isn't. When Chuck and Amelia try to come to Washington D.C., Amelia gets sick and Chuck decides it is not the best to bring a vomiting three-year-old on a plane. He is lucky that he bought the cancellation plan with his and Amelia's plane tickets. Sarah has mandatory meetings that weekend and they had planned around so she can't fly to Burbank, instead. They end up video chatting the whole weekend and it starts to become another thing they do often. Amelia starts pre-school in August 2015. It is only three days a week and half a day, but it complicates things and gives them yet another excuse not to try. In December, she gets some time off, but it is short notice and Chuck informs her that they won't be home because they are going on a small vacation with Ellie, Devon, and their kids. He invites her, but Sarah doesn't want to intrude on the vacation. She isn't ready for the family vacation and isn't sure she will ever be.

Things come up continuously and it gets to the point when neither are trying anymore. They video chat and talk on the phone, but neither try and plan a visit. Chuck hates it but doesn't push her. He thinks maybe he never had her to begin with. Sarah wishes things were different, but she is a spy. She shoves the memories and thoughts of a happy family and normal life back down again and buries them.

In May, Sarah gets handed a mission right outside of D.C. The C.I.A. had intel that a warehouse outside of D.C. was being used to try and recreate the very thing that destroyed her memories. She goes into the warehouse and is surprised to find the warehouse unprotected and empty. Her orders are still to destroy the building. As she starts to rig up the explosives, gunshots are fired at her. She immediately runs to cover and starts firing back. Soon after she hears a man yell in pain, she must have hit her target.

The yell is familiar, but she doesn't place it at first. She starts to sneak slowly out of her hiding place. She has to finish her mission. She can hear the man struggling to breathe but ignores it. He isn't shooting at her anymore and she doesn't care. The warehouse will blow up soon with him in it anyway.

"Gertrude, I have been shot. Our intel was wrong. There is still someone here," a man wheezes into his comm. Sarah can hear him, but still focuses on her mission.

"John…I am coming," a women voice echoes from the comm. It hits Sarah who it is as she rigs up the final explosive. She has shot a person she at one point would call a friend. Behind, her she hears a safety on a gun be turned off. She turns around to see Gertrude Verbanski with a gun aimed at Sarah's head.

"Sarah Walker, what the hell?" Verbanski shouts when Sarah turns around.

"I didn't realize it was him," Sarah says as she puts her hands up leaving the gun on the table.

"You better have not," she huffs as she runs around Sarah to where Casey was hiding.

Sarah freezes, she shot Casey. Her heart is pounding. She can't breathe. She wants to cry. If he dies tonight, it is her fault.

"Walker, call an ambulance!" Verbanski shouts her voice trembling. Sarah can't hear Casey anymore and know it can't be good. She pulls out her phone and calls.

The next few hours are a blur. Casey is taken to a hospital and Verbanski goes with him. By this point, Sarah has already called the General told her what happened leaving out the part where she shot Casey and that she thinks it isn't worth it to blow the building up. Sarah waits until a secondary team arrives at the site and leaves. At first, she doesn't know where she is going, but she ends up at the hospital where Casey was taken. She wonders the halls until she finds a waiting room with Gertrude Verbaski sitting in it.

"Is he okay?" Sarah chokes out. She is unsure if she is even welcome here.

"They don't know. He lost a lot of blood and his leg isn't in the best shape. If it comes down to they'll amputate it." She answers not looking at Sarah.

Sarah sits down across from the women who she barely knows, "I am sorry."

"It is okay. We are spies it happens," she says tells her. She looks up at Sarah, "It just shouldn't be a friend who shoots us, but there is nothing that can be done now."

They sit there in silence for a while. Sarah's phone eventually rings, and she sees it is Chuck. She really doesn't want to deal with him, now. She declines the call and stuffs the phone back into her jacket pocket.

"Was that Chuck?" Verabski asks.

"Yeah," she answers, "I just can't talk to him, now. He is a good person and I'm …."

"He probably is calling to tell you about Casey. By now, all of them know." Verbanski says looking at the clock.

"That's the problem. I can't tell him that I almost killed him. That I am the reason that he is on his death bed," Sarah protests.

"I actually don't think you should. I am pretty sure John would say the same thing. Chuck doesn't need any more reasons to resent you," she tells the women in front of her who has left the people that care about her multiple times.

"He resents me?" Sarah ponders out loud.

"Sometimes," she says shrugging, but not offering more of an explanation.

Gertrude and Sarah re-enter the silence after that. Sarah gets lost in her thoughts. Maybe she has been cruel to him. Maybe she could have tried harder to visit after the last time. But she doesn't remember, and she doesn't think at this point she ever will. She is just a cold-hearted spy that doesn't even remember anything about the man who continually holds out hope for her to return.

* * *

May 14, 2016

Sarah eventually does talk to Chuck briefly who lets her know Casey is in a hospital in D.C. She tells him she'll visit. The fact that she is at fault stays between her, Verbanski, Casey, and General Beckman. Alex, Morgan, and their little boy, Lukas, who is just a few months old fly out. Sarah visits occasionally just to check in. No one says much to her. His leg is still attached, but not in the best shape. He'll have to quite actively spying or whatever it is he does at Verbanski Corporation

The next time Chuck calls, Sarah is visiting Casey and sitting with him per Alex's request while everyone goes and gets food. Sarah just shakes her head when she sees it is him. She has been dodging his phone calls for the past week and today especially he has called her so many times. She knows why just like she knew why he called more on the 8th and the 9th which was Mother's Day and her own birthday respectively. She doesn't have the courage to pick up the stupid phone. Sarah can kill people, but she doesn't want to talk to Chuck when important dates come up.

"Is that Chuck?" Casey grunts out.

Sarah just nods her head and shoves the phone back into her pocket. She thought Casey was asleep. She wishes he was.

"You should give him a call. I won't mind if you step out," Casey tells her. When he sees her not move a muscle he continues, "One day, you'll regret all of this."

"I am trying my best," She brushes off as her phone rings yet again. She pulls it out of her pocket and see it is Chuck again. She declines the phone call and shoves it back in her pocket.

"You can't expect him to just give up," John Casey says slowly.

"I don't expect him to give up," Sarah tells the man who at one point she would call a friend.

"But, you have." Casey grunts out shaking his head.

"No… I don't know… I am just a spy," Sarah objects, "It isn't going to work."

"Maybe you should take into consideration that today is important to him,"

"That's why I can't. He wants her and this day to me...to me, it is another day," She tries to explain.

"You'll regret this," Casey repeats. He knows she doesn't want to hear it. But she needs to just like Devon needed to years ago, so he continues. "I regret not being there for Alex and I didn't even know about her. I would give anything to go back and watch her grow up. And I'll bet you will too. It isn't too late to be there for Mills though. She is just starting to understand you aren't there like other kid's moms are for them. She'll…"

The door opens before Casey continues or Sarah has a chance to answer. Verbanski, Morgan, Alex, and Lukas all enter. Alex sits on one side of the bed with Lukas on her lap. Gertrude takes the chair next to Casey. Sarah gets up and leaves as she starts to feel like she is invading a family moment.

"Walker just at least call him and let him know you're okay. He at least deserves that," Casey says as she leaves.

Sarah turns back and looks at the family. Morgan just nods and gives her a soft smile while the two women don't even look at her instead focused on the baby. He is laughing with a toothless grin and all Sarah can think is she has missed all of her daughter's young life. As she exits the room, she hears a floor sweeper going and is pulled into a memory. Chuck's proposing and she's saying yes. Her heart wants to run to him, but her brain tells her not to. It is a mental fight and for once her heart wins.


End file.
